The Atonement of a Writer

38. Condition Number Four

"I think you guys should go home for now," Lili had never seen Clovis look so somber. "I'll take it from here. You should lay low for a while."

Lili frowned. "Are you sure? Will you be okay on your own, Clovis?"

He nodded tiredly. "Don't worry about me."

It had been a few days since then, and the news about Colette shook the kingdom to its core. In every city and town, copies and copies of verified documents popped up out of nowhere--and they all pointed to one thing: the past deeds of the royal family. The reputation of the royals went down the drain, especially when well-known families with high positions publicly confirmed the now-circulating former top-secret documents, which included the past "lucky draw" records for the Cherufe, the journal of the now-dead survivor of the fire at the Dumonts' and the previously-hidden investigation report of the incident from the knights, and so much more. Evidence of Colette's involvement with foreign countries and factions within the court was anonymously sent to Clovis, letting him decide what to do with it. The kingdom was in an uproar, newspapers everywhere reported it, and the king, unable to give a reasonable explanation, announced he would be retiring and giving the throne to Clovis.

Lili was rather proud of herself for gathering such information in a short period of time. Not that it was particularly hard for her--she was the author, after all, and knew where they stored things. Anything she couldn't find she just made up. Lili was no saint, and she was not above lying and forgery to get what she wanted (though it was a different story altogether back in the real world).

Lili was content with this ending. What happened now would be up to them.

It was midnight, and Lili could feel her time coming. Her gut was telling her it was almost time for her to fulfill her promise. Before she did, though, she had to do something--which explained why she was currently on horseback, instead of in her bed like she promised Killian.

Killian. Killian's mana had recovered, but he was still a wreck. He was extremely careful around her, as if he couldn't trust himself. She hadn't dared to bother him or Clovis. Lili knew she couldn't do anything for him, which was one of the reasons why she was sneaking away from the manor.

Miraculously, even without Noir around, she still found her way to the somewhat-familiar cabin in the middle of the woods. She could see the light was still on, so she dismounted and knocked on the door.

This time, the door opened and Julien was the one who greeted her in surprise. She gave a small smirk and said, "At least I'm not barging in anymore."

"It's late. Why are you here?"

"I did tell you I would come soon, didn't I? Were you not waiting for me?"

"I didn't expect you to come in the middle of the night," Julien said wryly as he held the door wider open for her. "Tea?"

"Might as well." Lili followed him to the kitchen. "I've noticed this before, but...it's unnaturally quiet here."

"You would think it's weird," Julien agreed, "But it's normal for me. Almost all living things hate me--I think it's because they can smell death from me."

"Almost?" Lili thought about it, and continued, "Right. Noir seemed quite taken with your house. Not to mention your horse, right?"

"My horse has been with me for a long time--ever since I came back here again. And Noir...well, crows are ominous as hell anyway."

Lili laughed. They sat down, and Julien asked, "So what's happening?"

She shrugged, and offered, "We buried Jayr."

"I know," he replied dryly, "I was there. I meant, what are you going to do from now on?"

He was watching her carefully. Lili sighed as the mood turned somber. He already knew the answer to that, didn't he?

"Julien..." Lili tried to distract herself from the mood by taking a sip from her cup. "I know I might be asking too much of you, but please--please take good care of Killian and Clovis from now on. Especially Killian."

"Why don't you do it yourself?" He asked stoically. He knew. He was denying it, but Lili knew he already guessed.

"Their relationship will never be the same again." Lili kept her voice steady, ignoring Julien's question. "I do feel somewhat responsible for that, but there's nothing I can do for them anymore. You have to let them know...none of anything that's happened is their fault. They can move past this. Their relationship will change, but not necessarily for worse. They...they can do it."

"Lili."

Lili knew she sounded desperate, but she was too busy trying to hold in her tears to care. "There's also something I need you to tell them for me."

"...And what is that?" Julein's eyes were staring to the bottom of her soul.

"Tell them I'm sorry." Lili was speaking as Lili, and not Arielle. She was apologizing as Lili the author, not Arielle the character. She would never get the chance to speak to them candidly, so this was the best she could do.

"No." Julien flat out refused. "You say none of what's happened is their fault, but the blame isn't yours either. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Let me finish," Lili said firmly. "Tell them...I'm sorry I won't get the chance to stay with them. That I won't ever see them grow old. That I never told them the truth. I'm sorry...that they have to finish the rest of their story without me."

She paused, and looked down at her cup. After deliberating over it, she continued, slowly, "Tell them...I see them now. Not as characters, but as people. And I will forever cherish this experience in my heart."

"Tell them yourself," Julien repeated, but this time, his voice cracked.

"You know I can't," Lili replied softly. "I have to go--that was one of the conditions Heimarmene and I agreed on. And it's going to happen tonight."

There. She said it. There was no denying it now.

"Let me go with you then," In a desperate plea, Julien grabbed her hands. "Please. I can't..."

"That's not possible." She squeezed his hands. "Besides, you have so much more to do here, remember? Have you forgotten the reason you reached out to Heimarmene in the first place? Everything is fixed. You can now live as a free man, change the laws...free everyone. It's what you want, isn't it?"

After a few seconds of silence, all he said was, "I wish I had never made the deal with Heimarmene in the first place."

"I, for one, am glad you did." Lili gave him a small smile. "You know the one thing I'm not sorry for? Writing, and creating this world."

"...Yeah." It was Julien's turn to look down at his cup, his hand never leaving hers.

That night, they finished their first, and last cup of tea together. When she grew tired, Julien offered her his bed to lie on, instead of the one in the guest room, which led to a guilty confession about exploring his room the day after she was first rescued by him. They laughed it off, and all was right. They talked about random things for a bit before she finally couldn't fight it anymore. He gave her a light kiss on the back of her hand and told her it was okay. He told her he would be there when she fell asleep. So she looked at him for one last time before closing her eyes, committing his face to memory. Whilst she slept, he stayed beside her, unmoving, wishing and praying repeatedly to whoever was out there that he could go with her.

Dawn broke. He quietly left the room, went downstairs, and stared at the empty cup on the table for a long, long time.