Desolate

Chapter 17

BILLIE POV
(Song is based on this chapter)

She looks at me while I scrape it into thin lines. I don't think she understands. I rub my nose and finish up lining the powder on the coffee table. 5 lines. That's enough.

"I hate you just as much as I love you. Cause you're opening up and I can't even touch you. What kind of shit is that?"

I snort the first line from my hundred dollar bill and stare her back in the eyes.

"Damn I kinda take it back, trippin one on one was cool, till I fell in love with you"

I snort the second line, shaking my head as soon as it kicks in. She just watches me, wide eyed. Why wouldn't she? She broke my heart and she's watching how I deal with the pain. Simple as. Some people have different coping mechanisms and this is mine.
Tessa couldn't give a single fuck either, she's fazed out too but she's upstairs in the guest bedroom and all the other girls are gone.

"I fucked up, don't know what to do with myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm gon die alone. By myself"

Third line and it's all kicking in. My whole body that was just tense before, is more relaxed than ever. I couldn't feel...anything. None of the pain, none of the sadness, none of the sorrow. Nothing. If I could choose, I would keep it this way forever.

"Damn I wish I could have been a clone. Date myself" the cocaine takes over my body completely and I think about how fun it must be to just...date myself. But I wouldn't like it after a while. I'm a burden.

"Anyway it's all my fault. I emptied out all of myself. We'll still be friends by default" by the last white line, I'm completely out of it, my pupils dilated and my heart beating faster than it ever has before.

I catch her gaze, a single tear escapes her right eye and I'm left emotionless.

I look down at my legs and they start to tingle, the weird sensation travels up my leg and to my...crotch. I groan and lean my head back, enjoying my high while it lasts.

I shift uncomfortably and readjust my sweats, my dick annoyingly rubbing against the clothing.

"I never wanted this to happen to you" I look up at her as she breaks the silence
"I can't take it back now can I?" I say, my voice hoarse and raspy.

"No, but you can sober up" she stands up and before she goes into the kitchen, I stop her,
"Wait. C-can I get a h-hug please?"

Y/N POV

"Y-yeah of course" she brings me into her embrace and I'm so happy to be in her arms again. We stay like that for a couple of minutes until she starts shaking slightly,
"Billie?" No answer. I pull away from her and her knees immediately buckle and she falls onto the couch.
"No, no fuck Billie! Wake up! Hey!" I slap her cheeks, doing anything I could do to make her stay conscious.

Her body convulses more in my arms and her eyes are rolled at the back of her head.

"FUCK" I call 911 straight away and tell them what had happened, missing out some minor parts. They told me how to position her on her side so I complied, not wanting Billie to fucking die or anything.

"Billie please stay awake for me okay? I love you please!" Her body jerks viciously and her legs tremble underneath me.

"Fucking hell" tears pour out of my eyes and I wipe them away hastily, now isn't the time to cry y/n get it together.

"You're right Billie, you hate me just as much as you love me and vise versa. That's our relationship. But I never wanted it to end up like this. God, I've seen you like this one too many times. I don't wanna fuss and fight Billie, I want what's best for you" I mutter, my eyes blurry with hot tears and I can't control myself or my breathing.

Billie would always help with that. Whenever I had panic attacks, she'd be right here and not fuckin unconscious for crying out loud.

I hear the ambulance outside and they suddenly all scramble in.

I didn't want this to happen to her.
Not now, not ever.
Because I still love her.

I still do.

A/n: Okay I might've said I wasn't gonna publish anything until August cause SOMEONE in the comments scared tf outta me last time. Also, my imagines book is flopping so teehee. 15 votes and 8 comments for the next chapter
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