Grimm Tales Redux

Anatomy of a Grandma (lyttlejoe)

Anatomy of a Grandma

"All rise! Court is in session, the Honourable Judge Abel Verdict presiding."

"Mr. Armor, is the prosecution ready?"

"Ready, your Honour."

"Defense ready, Mr. Pester?"

"We are, Your Honour."

"Proceed, Mr. Armor."

"At this time, your Honour I would like to call Mrs. Hood."

"Mrs. Hood, you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth by gum?"

"I do."

"Mrs. Hood - may I call you Grandmother?"

"I'm not your grandmother."

"Uh, right. Very well, you know the defendant Mr. B.B. Wolf?"

"Yes."

"Could you please tell the court just how you know Mr. Wolf."

"He came to my cottage and gobbled me up,"

"But you are here aren't you, Grand- Mrs. Hood?"

"A huntsman nearby heard my granddaughter screaming and he rescued me."

"And what happened then?"

"The Huntsman took the Wolf away to another part of the forest."

"Thank you very much."

"Cross, Mr. Pester?"

"Thank you, your Honour."

"Mrs. Hood, you say that Mr. Wolf gobbled you up."

"That's right."

"But in the words of the prosecutor, you are here aren't you? In other words, Mr. Wolf never really 'gobbled you up'."

"But he di--"

"Thank you, that's all, Mrs. Hood."

Mr. Armor."

"Re-cross! Thank you, your Honour."

"Mrs. Hood, isn't it true that the Huntsman rescued you from inside Mr. Wolf?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. No further questions."

"Your Honour, I call Red Riding Hood."

"You've been sworn in, Miss Riding Hood so can you tell us what happened at your grandmother's cottage on the day in question?"

"I told my mother I wanted to visit grandma and she packed a basket of goodies and told me not to doddle in the forest or talk to strangers."

"But you did doddle and talk to a stranger--"

"Objection! Leading the witness."

"Sustained."

"Go on, Miss Riding Hood."

"I stopped in a little grove to pick some flowers and he came out of the underbrush and started talking to me. I told him I was on my way to grandmother's cottage. I hurried away and didn't see him again."

"Until you got to your grandmothers."

"Objection! Leading the witness."

"Sustained."

"What happened at your grandmother's?"

"She was in bed- I mean he was in her bed but I didn't know it was him. I asked about her ears and eyes and she said the better to hear and see me with then I saw her teeth and she said the better to eat me with!"