Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

16 February, 1979 - Family (III)

Sirius sighed, his chest rising and falling with Lavinia's head on it. "And again," he murmured, "You're right. It just feels weird."

Lavinia nodded against him. She could see that. Weird seemed to her to be a wild understatement of the mix of confused emotions she would be feeling in his position. But then, Sirius had never been as attached to his family as she had been to hers so perhaps it made sense that he was handling it better than she was. That and he had generally better coping skills than she did.

"What if we went to the Potters' tomorrow?" she suggested suddenly, thinking that perhaps it would be a good idea to remind him who his family really was. "I could-" she broke off, realizing Paris's cage stood empty and the bird was probably already off somewhere. So she pivoted. "You could send a patronus to them asking about it," she said instead.

"Or you could," he countered. "Since it's your idea."

Lavinia rolled her eyes, though she knew he couldn't see the gesture. "Paris is gone," she pointed out.

"I know," he replied easily. "I meant you could send the messenger."

Lavinia pursed her lips again. "You know I can't," she whispered, trying to keep the shame out of her voice. It was no small source of disappointment to her, if she was honest. Every once in a while she tried it, tried to summon some happy memory and cast the charm, but the most she'd ever managed was a feeble silver mist that wasn't about to do anything other than dissipate.

Sirius was silent for a moment. "I just think you should learn," he explained, a tired edge to his voice. "Dementors are on the move all over the country. The ministry is using them to hunt down Death Eaters and I can't help but worry."

Lavinia closed her eyes and turned to bury her face in his chest. Yes, she supposed he had good reason to worry. Hadn't she seen first hand what people assumed about her? That hit wizard had practically told her the ministry thought she was a sympathizer. If a dementor came across her, would it attack? She wouldn't have any way to defend herself if it did, that was for sure. If she could only manage mist even when there was no dementor around then face to face with one....

She turned her head again and sighed. "I'll try," she agreed. "But for now, will you just send one so we can have dinner with the Potters tomorrow?"

Sirius nodded and kissed the top of her head. "Thank you, Vin," he murmured.

Lavinia nodded, but didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. She didn't really want to learn, though she knew the charm would be useful. It wasn't that she didn't want to be able to. She did. She desperately did. But she knew that in the process of having someone try to teach her to cast it better she would have to come face to face with all the reasons why she'd consistently failed to properly cast it. She knew the method inside out and backwards. And she couldn't do it because... because...

She pushed the thought out of her mind, not wanting to finish it, and dropped her hand, which had still been on Sirius's shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him then and pulled him close, as much to comfort herself as him.

They stayed like that for a long time and when the clock on Lavinia's desk showed nearly 11 pm, she pulled away, grabbed Sirius's hand and led him to her bed, not caring that she hadn't brushed her teeth and was still wearing her work clothes. She just wanted to sleep. But she didn't want to let him go.

The following night, they did indeed have dinner at the Potters. When Sirius had told her that Mrs. Potter had suggested they do "just a family thing" Lavinia had fully expected not to be included. She wasn't at all offended by this. Actually, she thought it might be exactly what Sirius needed: just a dinner with his mum and dad and brother. A reminder of the family he'd chosen.