Dangerously Beautiful (Gozar Sisters #2)

Chapter 7

Miranda Lucille

Everybody Loves An Outlaw's "I See Red" blasted through my earphones as I ran faster. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang mabilis na tibok ng aking puso, my legs are burning but I kept going. The fresh morning smell of grass and air filled my nostrils. I parted my mouth as I pant for air.

I decided to go for a run to clear my head.

Wala pang masyadong tao dito sa parke. Wala pang mga bata dahil alas siete pa lang ng umaga. I went home bago magising si Samuel. 

That's what I should've done, last night but my hunger for comfort got the best of me. Which I shouldn't because that will start an attachment that we must not have. Dàmn it.

Last night, I didn't expect it to be like that. Although, alam ko na, na babangungutin ulit ako...I just didn't expect that it would stop once he hugged and comforted me. Nightmares has been always part of my night ever since I had my first kill, torture, and shoot out.

Sleeping pills and alcohol are my friends. When I can't afford to have a nightmare I take a sleeping pill...but that shìt's makes me anxious so I turn to alcohol. I like drinking because if I'm drunk or just had a shot or two. Hindi ako magigising ng balot sa pawis at puno ng takot.

Killing and torturing an enemy is not the problem. We were trained thousands of hours for that…but they didn't teach or trained us on how to live with the baggage that you played 'god' and decided that a certain monstrous human being will die in that very spot. I didn't have a choice. It's me or them. If I don't pull the trigger.

The blood on my hands. Their eyes begging for mercy, That's what I learned. No matter how much of a monster a person is...if they are under somebody's mercy, you'll see the pain in their eyes as you pierce their skin. They will pray to every saint and kneel and even kiss your feet so you would stop the pain that you're inflicting or spare their lives.

Their cries will be burnt in your brain and if you're not strong enough. It will slowly tear you inside until you're nuts.

I wouldn't let it affect my behavior but it haunts me in the night.

My psychiatrist said that I'm having nightmares about them because I'm empathetic at tao ako...may konsensya.  W-1716 assigned each and everyone of us a 'therapy' session if you will. They makes sure that we don't go nuts.

I stopped as my chest heaved heavily. Napahawak ako sa aking mga tuhod habang hinahabol ko ang aking hininga. I'm fùcked up but I don't let it show. I wear this jolly and happy persona so for once, I would feel like I'm less fùcked up.

My instincts kicked in nang may malaking kamay na humawak sa bewang ko but I relaxed when I smelled the familiar scent. It's Samuel. I straightened up at humarap sa kanya.

He lazily smiled and bahagyang nagulo ang man bun niya. Balot din siya ng pawis. Ang maroon niyang dri-fit ay basang-basa kaya bakat na bakat ang muscles niya. His gray running shorts are also soaked with sweat. Ang kanang kamay niya ay may hawak na dalawang bottled water. Ang isa naman ay nakahawak sa bewang ko.

"Bakla ka, ang bilis mo tumakbo..kanina ko pa tinatawag ang pangalan mo. Muntik na akong napaos sa'yo!" His nose scrunched at inabutan ako ng bottled water.

He kissed my forehead.

I laughed as I accepted it. I shoved the earphones in my phone holder that's attached to my arm. I twisted the cap and drank from the bottle.

"Sorry na…wait, what are you doing here?" 

He pouted at masama akong tiningnan.

"I woke up alone in the bed, so I tracked your phone." I rolled my eyes. Of course, he has the ability to do that. "I hope you don't mind."