Being a Banner [ 1 of JA ]

1

Anyone can fake a smile. I do it everyday. It's just to tell my dad (if we ever see each other) and everyone else around me I'm alright.
      My dad's always hard at work, but it's fine. I've got friends—not a lot—but two really good friends.
      After tying my green Converse I stand up and take a good look into my full body mirror. I pull at my clothes, trying to create the illusion that I was slim than muscular. I had curves, but since I was so small my arms and legs looked meaty.
Since all the classrooms at school were always cold, I had on a white long sleeve and threw on my favorite plaid green flannel. With my loose old jeans I rolled up the pant legs just above my ankles (I was really, really short). Being tall was never a factor in my genetic coding.
To cover up the middle part I had in my hair I threw on my mother's gray beanie. Don't even get me started on my hair; it was terrible. Long, thick, and dark brown. It was stick straight. No highlights, coloring, or hair appointment coming up. My split ends were starting to curl every which way, and it was very tempting to cut. I had done it before, but then I had to wear my hair up for a month before getting a proper cut. The time was getting close for a change to cut because it was getting harder to turn my head, and taking a shower was absolutely horrifying. I don't care if it's my own hair, it's gross pulling out millions of thin strands.
After taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I nod at my rough appearance, which I thought was a nice style for me. It hid my big legs and chest, which was sort of a reason why I had no self-esteem. That, and being fourteen and a freshman in high school.
Grabbing my book bag, I leave my room and head out into the hall of my apartment. Looking down to my left, I can see that Dad's bedroom door is open ajar. Even though I know the answer, I approach his bedroom and take a quick look.
With the bed disheveled, the TV turned off and the nightstands covered in research papers, I knew that Dad was off at work.
Walking out of the hallway, I enter the family room which doubled as the kitchen. Our apartment was very spacious since it was just Dad and I. Checking the time, I grab a banana and an apple before heading out the door.

*************

My dad is a scientist. I'm not sure what kind, but he gets called Doctor, so that's pretty cool. I just know that he's super smart in theories and uses big words that I don't understand. He uses these big machines just to check small molecules and atoms.
      Because Dad works nonstop, I'm pretty much alone. Well, at the apartment, but I have friends. Two best friends, actually. Two absolute losers who I love with my whole heart. Two idiots who are running late for the bus. Not the school bus, which would've left right away. But I was able to hold the driver, Eddie off. We were good friends.
      "Where the hell are those boys?" he asks, looking down the sidewalk with me. "You'd think that taking the bus everyday, they'd know to come early like you."
The bus was full of many New Yorkers who knew me well because I rode the bus so much. We had an unspoken relationship, but bonded with small talk and smiles.
      I laugh, "Jax always waits for Levi. That's how it's always been."
      "How come you're almost always here before them then?" Eddie asks.
      "Because I know that Levi always has a test for biology every Monday, like I do, and every Sunday night he studies last minute and forgets to set his alarm." I explain.
Eddie looked at me funny as I take a seat in the first row. He laughed, "Why don't you tell him to make more time for studying?"
"Because—" I begin, until I hear yelling down the sidewalk. Everyone on the bus pick up their heads and begin laughing. I look out the bus doors to see Jax, tall, brown hair flying in the wind behind him like his jacket as his book bag bounces roughly behind him as he runs. Following close behind is Levi, also tall but skinny, so he's more aerodynamic when it comes to running after the bus. His black curls whip all around his forehead and he beats Jax to the bus, jumping over the steps.
"Woo!" Levi exclaimed, sitting down in the first seat across the aisle.
Jax followed, panting as he gave a tired wave to Eddie.
"Thank you. . ." Jax breathed.
Eddie laughed, "Glad you two could join us." And the doors closed.
Suddenly, there was a round of applause from the other bus riders. Jax playfully waved like an exhausted Olympian runner after winning the gold. He thanked everyone, but when the bus lurched forward, he awkwardly fell into the seat behind me.
I laugh and turn back to Eddie, "If I tell Levi to study early, we wouldn't have our morning entertainment."
Eddie laughed loudly, hitting his steering wheel, "Can't wait for what y'all have planned at the end of the day."
Turning to my boys, I smile as Levi digs around in his book bag.
"Kerry," he says, pulling out his biology notebook. "I need you to look over my conclusion. Is it right?"
For biology tests, we always have to write one paragraph called conclusion to summarize what we learned about. We just finished a unit on photosynthesis.
I read Levi's small and nearly illegible handwriting. It was good enough for him to earn a 'B.'
"From what I can read, it's really good, but what's this big stain near the end?" I ask, scratching my nail over a soft splatter of the paper.
"Oh," Levi gritted his teeth. "I wrote that while brushing my teeth."
"It doesn't look like toothpaste. . .did you spit on this?"
Levi shrugged as his big brows furrowed, "I can't read in my head,"
"Jesus, man," Jax laughed.
"I consider rewriting it." I laughed, hanging Levi back his paper, pinching a corner and holding it out in disgust. Levi rolled his eyes and snatched it from my hands.
Jax chuckled and turned to me.
"My mom said she saw Bruce leaving the building this morning. Did you say hi?"
I scoffed a fake laugh, "Like I'm going to wake up at five am to say hi to my dad. We never see each other. The last time I saw him was the first day of school, and he asked me where I was going." I tried not to sound so harsh, because I did love Dad, our relationship on the other hand was like a soccer match that no team had a chance of winning. We missed every opportunity to see each other like a player missing the goal by a long shot.
I'll catch him home on the weekends some days, but other than that he's at work. I had other family, but they were always busy. My cousin had the time to call me though, which was nice. Perhaps I could spend a weekend with him, get out of my neighborhood and walk around the center of New York with him.
"Is he still buying groceries?" Levi asked. "My mom's a little worried, but she didn't want me to tell you that."
I smile small and sad. It was nice of them to check in, but I didn't want them to. I'd rather not be reminded that my father was hardly around, even though he was the true one looking after me. The weird thing was, I lived on the higher floors, which were more pricey, whereas Jax and Levi lived with their families on the cheaper floors of our apartment complex. It should be me asking if they were good.
I nod, "He's got the time for it. I don't know how, but it's funny how he has the time to get groceries instead of spending time with me." Suddenly, the boys' faces fall. "Sorry, I'm being edgy. Can we talk about something else?"
You know you have best friends when they politely move on from the conversation you try so hard to not get so upset about. I was rarely spewing my feelings, and so because of this little outburst I was going to get my mind eased and in a better mood. It was just one of the few things I learned on my own. Being the daughter of Bruce Banner was lonely, sometimes, but often it was me and my thoughts. Which is a very dangerous battle.