the anatomy of love [BxB] COMPLETED

34

"No, she's not going to fire me," Jackson says. "Not for this."

"Well, the rumor going around is that Mr. Sawyer discovered that you and the Ice Princess are having an affair," Jack says, turning serious.

Jackson blinks and stares at Jack for a few seconds. They both start laughing.

☆★☆

"I think I know what I want to talk about today," Jackson says.

Delilah raises an eyebrow. Go on...

"I had a private lesson with my coach. We talked about my friend, Caleb, who doesn't really talk to me anymore, and...Actually, that's really all I want to talk about. Caleb. He's my closest friend here, but I fucked up. And I don't know how to make it right again."

"Do you want to make it right again?" Delilah asks.

"Of course," Jackson says, and he hears the betrayal in his own voice.

"I'm only asking," Delilah says calmly, "because it sounds like you want to go back to how things were. But you cannot reverse any damage inflicted. Accepting the present state of your friendship and how this came about is the first step in moving on together, even if it means admitting you did something wrong."

"I guess I'm scared of apologizing, and then losing his friendship anyway," Jackson confesses, and it's the most honest he's been in a long time.

"That's a risk you must be willing to take, or nothing will change," Delilah says, sadly. "Admitting that you have hurt the people you love is always hard, but it's the ultimate sign of trust. It's up to you if they are worth the risk."

"I'm scared, though." His voice trembles a little, and he absolutely will not cry. "God, I thought friendships were supposed to be easier than relationships, but somehow they're almost worse."

Delilah laughs, and it sounds like raw honey feels, held smooth and rich on the tongue. "You will find, Jackson, that friendship is just like a relationship. You begin believing it's the usual dance of give and take, but before you know it, one of you is giving everything freely and looking for nothing in return. Most friendships in your life will reach this stage, and then fade away. The rarest friendships, though, happen when both of you give freely, love freely, and it's a beautiful thing if you're lucky to have it."

☆★☆

Jackson takes a deep breath, then curses his cowardice and knocks.

Footsteps, then the door opens. Lauren stands in the opening, clearly surprised that it's Jackson and not Caleb. It feels like the first time he learned they were dating behind his back.

"Jackson, hey," Lauren says hesitantly.

"Lauren, hey, can we talk?" Jackson asks, already regretting it. No. Not regret. He's going to make things right. He needs to.

"Sure." She opens the door the rest of the way and sits on the edge of her bed. Jackson lingers standing up until she pats the bed next to her. "You can sit." He sits, his stomach twisting into knots.

"Lauren," Jackson says, and stops. He's forgotten every speech he's rehearsed on the drive home from therapy. "Fuck. I'm sorry. I had a whole thing...Look, I'm sorry. I was a really, really bad friend. You confided in me about how you felt, and I used it against you. Just to make you guys feel as bad as I felt. And I can't take back what I said, but if you're willing to give me a second chance, I won't fuck it up. I've been doing a lot of therapy, reflection―"

"I forgave you." Lauren smiles, and there's no disappointment or anger in it. Just a calm assurance. Jackson thinks he's misreading it.

"What?"

"I forgave you. A long time ago. I knew you didn't mean to hurt me. And hey, I had Caleb to myself." Lauren puts a hand on Jackson's arm, and the warmth fills him like sunshine after a week of dark clouds and rain. "You were clearly going through something. And yeah, you said some things that hurt, but who hasn't? Trust me, I'm not innocent by any means. We needed some time apart to work some things out. Nothing wrong with that."

"I was jealous," Jackson says abruptly. "Of you and Caleb. I knew you guys were dating and you hadn't told me. I was angry, and took it out on you."

Lauren doesn't seem surprised that he found out. "You missed your best friend. I was taking that away from you, I get it."

"No. I don't own Caleb. He can do what he wants. I should have been supportive of you guys, and I wasn't." Jackson almost feels annoyed that she's not angry. But maybe he's just annoyed that if the roles were reversed, he's not sure he would be as quick to forgive.

"You know, Caleb misses you. Your prides are hurting. But don't you think it's time to get your best friend back?" Lauren asks earnestly, and for a moment he sees her as Caleb sees her.

"You're good for Caleb," Jackson says. "I just wanted to say that I'm happy for you guys."

Lauren smiles blissfully. "I'm not good enough for Caleb. Not by a long shot."

"But―"

"Don't. Please, it's not out of self pity that I say that. I'm just being honest. I'm lucky to even know him, let alone have his attention like this. And to say anything else is disrespectful," Lauren says, but she doesn't look troubled by this. Instead, she looks...in love.

"Aren't you scared you'll get your heart broken?" Jackson asks.

"Of course," Lauren says, like he asked a silly question, and maybe he did. "But I'd risk a broken heart for just a day where Caleb sees only me. And I know it's cheesy, but I'd break my heart a million times over for him, he's that worth it to me." Her eyes shine bright like stars, and Jackson's reminded of his mother, and something she said to him, once.

He had asked Elena González one day, when he was young and skeptical and discovering the secret wonders of Lucas' mouth, what it means to be in love.

She told him something her abuela had told her when she married his dad.

Amar es morir.

To love is to die.

And in that moment, Jackson sees everything perfectly clear.