Daft || Malum

Showering with 5SOS

"Hey Ashton." I say, followed by a few noises that gave away that I was trying not to laugh.

"What?"

"I like my girls like I like pants... I don't like wearing pants." I burst out laughing, making it nearly impossible to make out what I said toward the end.

Luke groans as if the joke caused him serious pain, he shakes his head with a grimace.

I sip my coffee, expecting the boy on the other end to take a while to completely comprehend that I'd called him just to tell him a shitty gay joke.

"You don't like wearing girl-OHHH! Michael that's gross! Don't-ew God." Ashton stumbles over his words and ends with a few gagging noises.

"You chose to pick up the phone." I chuckle, gulping down more coffee.

"Even though it's completely understandable, you wouldn't want to have pants on when you're wearing Calum, that would make it a little hard to... Y'know." He trails off, laugh filtering loudly through the phone when he hears me start choking on my coffee.

"You made me choke on my coffee!" I shout once I've recovered, feeling a soft burn in my esophagus for my troubles.

"That's not the only thing you'll be choking on when Calum's around!" He shouts, sounding very proud of himself for coming up with that one.

A distant voice floats through the phone, nearly drowned out by Ashton's cackling.

"Oh nothing, Michael just doesn't seem to appreciate my amazing suggestions." Ashton explains to whoever's with him, which can only be Calum considering we have the day off and we don't have any friends.

Speak for yourself, I have tons of friends.

First of all, you're a voice in my head. Second, who? The only person we know is what's-his-fuck ...Darwin?

His name's Mark.

Is it? I don't really think so. Maybe it's Devon.

No, I'm pretty sure it's Mark.

That can't be it, is it Daryl?

God Michael, just stop.

"Hey, I'm going to take a shower." I announce mostly to myself, hanging up before Ashton can try to tell me any more 'suggestions' that'll most likely revolve around me getting head from Calum in the shower.

Michael, you fuck, that was the perfect opportunity to say shower head.

This is what my life's come to.

Embrace it Michael, embrace the Shower head.

Anything that has to do with me getting favours from Calum, I'm all for.

Humming Good Girls to myself as I set up my iPhone in the speaker, I analyze the shower. The glass was frosted with small shell flourishes along the edge. It appeared to be quite small, tucked into the corner of the spacious bathroom.

A large bathtub took up a fair bit, and appeared to be super fancy, brandishing its own metallic buttons with different settings.

I could practically feel the warm jets of water massaging against my back just by looking at it, lounging in the tub that was basically shaped for human comfort, taking a sip of an ice cold Kool-Ai--I mean a super alcoholic beverage. I fell asleep last time and ended up looking like a bleached prune, no super relaxing baths today.

End Up Here blared, causing me to let out a soft, content sigh. Everything that had to do with Calum in this song was perfect.... Calum in general is perfect.