Harry's PoV:
I couldn't, I couldn't stop myself from cutting. If I didn't do it I would've began to hyperventilate in front of all of them. I couldn't have that. They'd ask questions, questions I didn't want to answer.
Maybe it wasn't the fact I didn't want to answer, maybe I didn't have the answers because I didn't know. I don't know why I hate myself so much but I think I do. I don't really but I've got it into my head that's it's just because I don't deserve love only hate. I don't understand that it's not because of that but because of the abuse and lack of love. The love that I was deprived of, starved of when I yearned for it from a young age. I've got it into my head that the abuse is ok because I deserve it. But I don't. But once more I don't UNDERSTAND for I am too far gone.
So instead of letting those around me love and care for me, I ran upstairs only claiming I was going to the toilet. But I wasn't, I was continuing down the road of self hate and destruction.
I went into the large tiled bathroom, cast a silencing charm around me as I was in a wizarding home the trace didn't affect me, and sunk to my knees. I refused to let out the tears I so needed to release for I believed I didn't deserve to cry. I believed deep down that I deserved all the hate and pain. So I held it in and instead begun to slash at my wrists, spilling scarlet liquid all over the white tiles and my delicate pale skin. It was like blood on snow. So clear, so vivid. I loved it.
——-skip———-
I cleaned all the blood away and cast an air freshening charm to dispel the stench of blood. I stood up on shaky legs and leant against the mirror. It was as if my face was mocking me, belittling me. It showed all my flaws, the sickly pale skin, the dark circles beneath my eyes, the stretched skin fitting over my unnaturally sharp features where I was so thin.
I looked like a corpse. But for once I believed I deserved it.
So I left the bathroom content. I walked slowly down the stairs careful not to trip, pulled down my hoodies sleeves and sat back down in the same corner of the front room.
Nobody noticed the shakiness of his entire body. Nobody noticed he was paler than before and nobody noticed the new thin long lines that he had added to he wrist for he believed he didn't deserve their love, care or worries.
Sorry for short chapter. The next will be longer I promise.
-B
YOU ARE READING
Too far gone (Harry Potter)
FanfictionIt's Harry Potters fifth year and he's depressed. He has to deal with Voldemort's return, being plagued with nightmares about his friend Cedric's murder and being abused at home. That's right. The saviour of the wizarding world is beaten mercilessly...
