Meant To Be (Loki x reader)

Chapter forty one - In which Loki opens his mind

"Wake up." you said, your voice laced with desperation.

He blinked slowly, but didn't look away from the memory.

"Loki, please." you half sobbed, gripping his arms tightly. What if you couldn't get him out? What if you were stuck? The thought made you panic and dread overwhelmed you, or maybe it had been memory-Loki who had felt that, because it wouldn't be long until the torture returned.

"Loki, wake up!" you yelled, and his eyes slid from the memory to your face. There was a split second of liberation before pain exploded inside you again and you slumped sideways, marvelling at the fact that you weren't already dead. Again, the pain reduced slowly but this time you didn't get up, you couldn't. Your face was wet with tears.

Loki was frowning down at you, confusion finally beginning to emerge.

"Loki." you sobbed, and then finally realisation, immediately followed by horror, passed over his face. He reached for you, and then you felt yourself slipping again, losing consciousness.

You sat up on Loki's bed with a sharp inhale, relief crashing over you like a tidal wave and making you go slightly dizzy. You'd done it.

Loki jerked upright abruptly, staring at you and taking deep, shuddering breaths. You were about to reach for him when he seemed to compose himself, turning his face away and closing his eyes, inhaling deeply. Then his face crumpled.

An enormous wave of emotion hit you square in the face: half his, half yours, and you climbed across the bed to sit in his lap, wrapping your arms and legs around his torso. He pulled you towards him and pushed his face into the curve of your neck, holding you tight against him. You held him while his shoulders shook, not speaking and trying not to think, trying not to cry, caressing the back of his neck gently, your eyes closed. His skin was cool again.

You didn't know how long you stayed like that for, only that you weren't going to move until Loki wanted to. Which, it seemed, he didn't. After a while he stopped shaking and his breathing returned to normal, but his hold on you remained firm, his face hidden against your neck. Something felt different. It took you a few moments to work out why.

His mind was open. Completely open.

"I didn't want you to see that." he told you, his voice thick with emotion and slightly muffled. You didn't reply, not trusting yourself to speak, shaken to the core by what you had just seen. What you had just felt.

"I'm sorry."

At this you shook your head violently, gripping him so hard it almost hurt.

"Don't. Don't apologise. Ever." you said furiously, fighting down your tears. You had no right to cry, not after what you'd just seen. But now the shock was wearing off and you were beginning to realise, fully, what you'd just experienced. The tears came, flowing down your cheeks even as you tried to stem them with your sleeve, or rather Loki's sleeve. Now he sat up, looking at you worriedly, but the sight of his red-rimmed eyes only made you cry harder. Your head was already pounding from last night and now you had the added pain of a crying headache too.

"Don't cry." Loki murmured sadly, pressing his forehead against yours. You fought to calm down, squeezing your eyes shut and trying to breathe normally.

"I'm sorry, it's just – I felt it; I can't stand the thought of you -"

"I know." he said soothingly, trying to avoid another sobbing fit. He did know. He could hear your thoughts clearly, just as you could now hear his. Finally you regained control of your tear ducts and slid from Loki's lap on to the duvet, wiping your face with his sleeve yet again, noticing for the first time the smudges and blotches of black that covered it. You'd forgotten about your makeup, you must look a right state. Loki shook his head, reaching for your hands.