I am sorry. Can you forgive me?

Why?

You make plans with me mom.
To do something fun.
Like watching movies or play cards.
But there is always something that will come in the way.

Usually something that has with beer to do.
Like rn your friend is here you her and dad are drunk.

Remember when you said we should watch movie to night?
Because I do.
You and dad argued I just listen to music.
You then tried to apologise and I said that it didn't matter it's just a movie.
Well I fell hurt, this isn't the first time.
It always happens.

Like this happens week ago when I was left alone to watch the movie because your friends came and you her and dad drank.
Why do you do this?
Just don't make plans if you can't do then.
I don't want to thank that I am going to have a great time and I would be excited before.
But I should know by now how it all ends.
You and dad arguing about money and shit.
Why in front of me tho?

I don't wanna hear it.
Not even yesterday you said yeah we can play games before we go to bed.
But then a group of people came to drink until they get drunk. You opened the door and turned off the heat, I was so cold but I was not going to say anything because there were so many people there. I am actually sick rn because of it but it doesn't matter because you had grate time.

When everyone left I cried because I was hurt and you were so drunk. You asks what was wrong and I told you that you said we were just going to play games but here we are, I even cried after that and you asked again why are you hurt? Because of the fucking same thing but bitch you didn't believe me.
I am hurt because of you.

Remember when dad was drunk and walked out of the house in no shoes and he said he was going to stay the night outside? Yeah by the way same night I actually got to know that you are only boyfriend and girlfriend yeh but yet still together and I was actually excited when I was young when you were thanking about splitting. But what ever.

And yeah one night when my brother came and showed me a photo of a broken tv that my fucking dad broke because he was 'angry' well I went upstairs to see it and it was bad. Next morning I was going to fix and you said 'you can hurt yourself' no shit there is glass everywhere.

One day I told you dad that I wasn't happy, and do you remember what you said? 'You are sad because I am not happy' NO my happiness dos not netter to yours. I am not happy because I hate myself, I am not happy because I am only in the way of others.

But hay I told you I wasn't happy but I guess you just don't care because it is always about you only you.

Remember when my brother drove you  mom  and your 2 friends? Yeah and you were all drunk. And then you told my brother to get out of the car because you were mad at something?

Do you remember? Because then you drove that car drunk with 3 other drunk people and you left my brother al alone. When he came home he was mad my brother was mad at you his girlfriend was home in his room when I was alone, but when he walked in I cried. You or mom wasn't there. He was.

Actually you where the problem. I remember when he then went somewhere with his girlfriend that made me alone with my best friend. My dog. I tried calling you but you didn't answer. When you came home late, you were just fine with everything i was in my room you were going to fuck my mom but she didn't want do. And I had enough.

You disgust me.

I walk to to your room and said. "You tank this is okay? You left your son out there alone with no phone and no way home, you drove drunk. Not only you have to apologise to my brother but also the people in the car." That is what I said.

Rn the clock is 1:45 am and you are screaming at each other about some fucking shit that dos not netter! And here I am listening to my music to block your noise. Actually fuck your I have had enough. I am so done! Just with everything. Bitch, life to.
What is the point of having me here? I mean it's not like anyone need me. I am just there for everyone I can be for when they need me, but guess what.

Nobody is here for me. NOBODY. I am used to be alone at this point. So many people have failed me that I stop being surprised when someone hurts me or turns there back at me. It dose suck but I have to suck it up, not you, not just somebody, ME, I have to get through everything. And yes everything ALONE. But it's fine actually.

How? When you are alone nobody is going to hurt you, turn there back at you, make you feel like shit, make you feel unwanted or unworthy. Nobody can lie to you ore make fun of you because you are alone. But hay you will always get the same answer from me.

I Am Okay.