Trying Not To Love You

Chapter 39

Dean POV:

As the night goes on, I feel myself getting a little tipsy but I still haven't stopped drinking because I can't forget the words that slut has talked about my darling. I won't let her words become true because he is mine, only mine.

I throw the bottle away when it is empty and leave the bar. I reach my house after a few minutes and lean against my car, not knowing how to convince him if he asks about my drinking. He will worry if he knows what she has told about him.

I look up at the sky and curse under my breath when the rain pours on me. I haven't noticed the door opening and Seth peeks out at me. "Shit, what are you doing there?" He wails and runs towards me.

I shrug and give him a slight smile as he grabs my hand and pulls me into the house. "No umbrella?" I ask, finding it is hard to walk straight, my legs heavy and tired.

"I didn't think about that." He answers and shuts the door behind him. "What happened? Why did you reach here in a drunken state?" He shivers and pulls his shirt, wanting the wet material off.

I haven't answered him and sway from side to side as I watch him. His shirt falls on the floor and I focus my eyes on his back as he walks around the room, searching for dry clothes to change into.

"Seth," I call him and he turns to look at me with a confused look. He walks over to me and wraps his arms around my neck, giving me a hug. My heart pounds at the friendly, comforting embrace.

I speak nothing, just take in the warmth that is radiating off of him. I raise my hands up to his body, clinging to him, not wanting him to let go of me. "I broke up with her," I mumble against his skin and kiss his neck.

"Was that because of me?" He asks and pulls away from me. He gives me an improbable look and tries to process what I'm saying.

"No! For us!" I explain to him everything from the very beginning and make sure not to include his sponsor into this. I look into his eyes and hope he will perceive that I'm not bad.

"I don't know what to say." He gurgles and pulls me into another hug, one hand coming up to run through my wet hair. "I'm here, Dean." He mumbles and soothes my back, trying to comfort me.

I'm not sure how long we stand here in each other's arms, but I don't dare to move until he steps away from me. "You're soaked," He cups my face and pushes a stray lock of hair out of my eyes. "You wanna shower?"

I shake my head and look into his dark brown eyes, thinking about the words of Becky. I won't let him get out of my life. I barely feel my hand move and cradle his cheek before I lean in to press our lips together in a fragile, chaste kiss.

He pushes me away and gives me a confused look, but I cup his cheeks and capture his lower lip as it parts slowly. Our kisses are soft and innocent but I want more, want to taste him, want to be consumed in his entire being.

A bolt of lightning shot through us, making us adhere to one another. I run my hands slide down his face, over his chest, down to his hips, feeling his toned skin. When I feel him shiver, I pull him in by his belt loops and grind our hips together.

My lips moving down his mouth to his neck, kissing and nipping at the sweet-tasting skin. "Seth," I groan and slide my hands to the front of his jeans, fumbling with the belt.

Instantly his hands cover mine and I look up at him curiously. "Not like this," He whimpers and presses his forehead against mine. "I'll let you, but not like this. I want us to remember our first time."

I look over his serious face, hating just how he let me down. I know he isn't turning me down completely, just until I'm sober, but it doesn't make the hurt any less. I finally nod and pull away from him, breaking all contact between us.

He sighs and goes to the closet, opening it. "Get out of your wet clothes." He assigns, pulling out some clothes for both of us. "It's late already so we can get some sleep and figure it all out in the morning."

I nod and get dressed in warm, dry lounge pants while he changes into the bathroom. He returns to the room and turns off the light, climbing on the bed. "Come on," He calls me and pats the spot next to him.

I smile and get in the bed, curling up behind him. I wrap my arm over his middle, pulling him into my arms. If this is all I can have at the moment, I will take it. I feel my head start to pound and sure it is the effect of alcohol. I hold my head in pain and try to sleep.

He turns into my arms so that my head is on his chest. "Feel a little better?" He asks, running his fingers through my hair.

"Head fucking hurts," I murmur and tighten my grip on him.

He nods and presses a soft kiss on my forehead. "Sleep, it'll help." He instructs, stroking my hair until sleep overtakes my body. He is the bliss of my life so I will do anything to keep him with me, forever.