When the Night Falls

Chapter 8

Original Sound tracks of WTNF:

1. Di ko namalayan by Benedict Cua

2. Bahala na by Kenaniah

3. Sakura Koi by Mosawo もさを (Chapter 5)

4. For Your Eyes Only by Belle Mariano

5. Fall in You by Ha Sungwoon (하성운) (Chapter 7)

6.  Kabado by Adie

First Love

Sabi nila hindi raw natin makakalimutan ang taong una nating minahal. Hindi raw basta-basta iyon mawawala sa memory ng bawat tao. I used to believe that, but I don't think that I already found my first love. I guess, it's just a so-called 'puppy love' or mas kilala sa tawag na 'crush'. He was my first ever guy that caught my attention. Hindi naman siya sobrang gwapo lalo na't napaka-suplado niya noong una naming magkakilala.

I said to myself that it was so impossible that I could get close to him, but suddenly I realized that we were. Masyadong naging mabilis ang mga pangyayari, hindi ko na nga maalala kung paano at bakit ko nagawang makalapit sa kanya o makausap siya ng mga panahon na iyon. We just bumped into each other, so I guess it's destined to happen.

Then again, another saying na pinapaniwalaan ng mga tao; hindi mo makakatuluyan ang una mong pag-ibig. And that's really sucks.

"Kaloy, hindi na ba tayo ulit maglalaro?" I asked him. Hindi siya makatingin sa mga mata ko. I was about to cry that time because he still not responding. "Kaloy..." I called him, again. Pero hindi pa rin siya makatingin ng diretso sa mga mata ko.

"Hindi na." then our eyes met. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganun na siya makatingin sa akin ng mga oras na iyon. I'm so sad not because he refused to play with me but the thought that I can't be with him. "Ayoko na. Hindi na ako pupunta dito para makipaglaro sa'yo." sabi niya bago niya ako tuluyang iwanan sa playground.

I cried a lot while watching his back walking away from me. Noong una talaga akala ko kaya ako umiiyak dahil sa pagtanggi niya, but the thought that I couldn't see him at hindi ko na alam kung kailan ko pa siya ulit makikilala. After my mother died, akala ko wala ng taong nagbabalak na iwan ako but I was wrong. Even him, my playmate... that guy who was... my first crush. And I guess, my first heartbreak and his name is Kaloy.

After what happened, hindi na ako nagkagusto sa ibang lalaki bukod sa kanya. I decided not to like someone na alam ko naman na imposible rin naman akong magustuhan. I built a huge wall to anyone who's interested to me, di ko rin kasi alam paano magbigay ng pagmamahal sa iba kung ang sarili ko nga hindi ko magawang mahalin ng sobra. I can't do that. I really can't. And it's hard for me to give love if may mga hindrances pa rin akong pinaniniwalaan, lalo na noong nawala na si Mama... at sa daming pangyayari sa buhay ko, naiwan ko na rin ang memories na iyon at mas nabuhay na lang ng simple.

I used to believe that.

Even those people who confessed their feelings to anyone pero afterwards magkakasakitan lang naman. Sounds bitter, pero yun na ako e. Iniisip ko pa lang na magmamahal kayo ng tao pero hindi naman pala guaranteed na maiiwasan mong hindi saktan yung taong ginulo mo by confessing your feelings. I guess, that's the instance... Because of that fucking love in the wrong time or in a wrong person... ang dami ng naguguluhan kung ano nga ba talaga ang dapat gawin.