ATARAXIA • BELLAMY BLAKE

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Tossing the last few berries into my mouth, I sigh with content and lean my head back against the tree. I can't help but smile at the sweet taste, savoring every last bit of it until it's gone. I'd managed to ration the food that Grounder boy gave me for a time, but at some point I had just decided to admit to defeat. I pull my knees up to my chest where I lean on the tree and close my eyes. The berries and nuts have given me more energy, but I don't feel like getting back up to continue walking just yet. I'm in no rush, really, knowing my friends all are long gone by now. I don't even want to try going back to camp to check. I trust that what the boy said was the truth. And I feel no need to see what's left of everything.

But then, what if there's someone like me? Someone that managed to escape before the blast and only just made their way back now. And they show up to find no one there. With that thought I open my eyes and get back up. All of those kids have been through so much, so if there's even the slightest chance that one of them is at camp all alone, I can't not go back to check with good conscience.

I cling to the little hope that I may not be alone as I continue in what I believe to be the right direction. The Grounder boy had said he'd come from our camp, so based on that I head in the complete opposite direction from where I have been heading the past few hours, knowing very well that it had all been a waste of time and energy. But that won't matter for even a second if I do end up finding someone.

I'm painfully aware of the fact that I have nothing even resembling a weapon on me since the boy took the axe with him. And I know a lot of Grounders lurk in the trees around our camp, so that does concern me. Although—now that everyone has left, there'll be no need for them to keep watch. And they did just lose quite a lot of people in the battle, so I'm betting on them not bothering to man the woods as much as they used to. It's a pretty risky bet, so I make sure to keep an eye out and stay in between the trees, even deviating a little from my route in order to walk where they grow closest to each other.

A squirrel jumps from one tree to another just above me and I damn near jump out of my skin. It knocks a pine cone from a branch that hits me right in the head and I curse to myself.

That's when out of nowhere a Grounder steps out from in between the trees, and I immediately jump behind a broad trunk to conceal myself. I'm a shaking picture of panic, but I don't have the time to be embarrassed or disappointed in my own weakness right now. I have nothing to defend myself with should he notice me. I'm allowed to panic, I think to myself. The Guard never prepared me for things like this — just piling shit on top of shit. I'm allowed.

The only thing I can hear is my heartbeat racing loudly in my ears, which successfully makes me completely unaware of my surroundings now that I can't even hear in what direction he's walking. I notice sizable rock by my feet and pick it up, quickly catching glimpse of the Grounder now that he has moved from where I last saw him. I adjust my stance to be better hidden from his new location. Then I hear him call something out loudly. I don't even attempt to catch the words knowing I'd never understand anyway. All I focus on is the fact that in order for him call out, there has to be others near him to hear his words. I'd promised myself not to sneak a peek this time, knowing it could mean the death of me, but I have to know how many there are. I need to know when my cue to run is.

When I look, he's still alone. The others must be quite a bit away, which is why he'd needed to call as loudly as he had. But upon further inspection, I now see that the man doesn't even look like a Grounder. Yes, he's tall and broad with messy hair and has cuts and scrapes all over the side of his face that's visible to me, but instead of a blade he carries a gun. And he holds himself in a way that doesn't spike fear in me. Quite the contrary, actually.

"Bellamy," I find myself saying without even intending to. It's barely audible, more a breath of disbelief, because I know that it can't actually be him. Because he's gone. Charred beyond recognition in between countless identical Grounders who'd suffered the same fate.