𝙈𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙆𝙞𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙣𝙚 -𝘼𝙣 𝙄𝙨𝙚𝙠𝙖𝙞 𝙁𝙖𝙣𝙛𝙞𝙘-

Forgive Me

I come into Koharu's hospital room. In only a day and a half, it seems like she's lost all of the weight she had. She just looks like skin and bones. But her eyes don't have that same crazy look like she did that night. They look alive. 

"Oh, Tanaka. It's you. I didn't think you were going to come see me." She says in a voice just above a whisper. 

"They've told you, right?" I ask. Akito came to the decision that we needed to let Koharu receive help, before we tried to suppress her memories.

"Yes, they did. But, I don't know if I can live up to Akito's standard. I never have before." She says beginning to cry. Her whole small body shaking violently. 

I rush over to her. "You probably don't want to see me cry... it's just, I'm being shown to much kindness! I hurt you, Tanaka. I seriously hurt you!" She sobs. Sadly, I have gone completely blind in my left eye. 

"Koharu, we want to see that you get the help you need, without your memories being removed. The thought of you not even knowing who I am, when it's because of you that I know all of these people, would be extremely sad." I explain.

"I dragged you into all of this though, Tanaka. I insisted on you meeting the boys, and then, meeting Akito was because of me. If I had never introduced you to them, if I had never introduced myself, then everything would have been fine!" She sobs.

"Que sera sera." I say. 

"What?"

"It was something Shigure told me once, meaning what happens, happens. What doesn't, doesn't. We shouldn't dwell on what if, if we constantly think about what happened in the past or what didn't control us, we'll never be able to see ahead, into the future. Into brighter days." I say. 

"But, I'm not sure if I really know how to do that." She admits.

"Well, I'm sure when you're in therapy, if you ask, your therapist can help you with it. It's their job." 

"Miss Hashi, I'm sorry to disturb, but you only have five minutes left before your time is up." A doctor steps into the room.

"Of course, thank you."

"Before you go, I need to tell you the truth. Or as much as I can, Tanaka. Some of it's still distorted and weird."

"You don't have to, if you don't want to." I'd rather not know, but I won't tell her.

"No. You of all people need to know. I've always felt left out, in the main family, if you weren't a member of the Zodiac, people said it was a blessing, but, all the other kids my age were Zodiac members, so it felt like I should have been. And especially with my brother being one. I tried to ignore it, but I just couldn't. It bothered me so much. So, I tried to look for a way to be outside of the Zodiac, but, by the time I did, I had a crush on Hatori." My stomach churns at her words. "And so it was hard to. But, you came along, and I thought it would be a new chance. But, unbeknown to me, you ended up being ingulfed in it. So when you told me, I was furious and frustrated. But, I thought I'd let it slide, until I overheard Shigure and Hatori talking about you one day, and Hatori said the two of you had kissed, and he was in love with you. And I just couldn't. I couldn't take it. You had snuck behind my back, and, and I was being selfish, and jealous!!" 

She buries her head in her hands, her long brown hair falls all over her shoulders. She's so sad looking, but also so beautiful. Like a movie heroine. 

"I don't love Hatori anymore. He uh, he kinda took a lot of anger out on me, and when I came to forgive him, I had, well, I should say, I have fallen for someone else. And uh, he's not in love with me anymore. But, I can see why you'd be mad even jealous. What I did to you was wrong. And how I just left you, and avoided you because it was inconvenient for me, was wrong. Not all of the blame is yours to have, Koharu. I've done plenty wrong." I sigh. "I have done you the most wrong."

She doesn't say anything. Her silence means she knows it. 

"Koharu, I just want to ask this of you."

"What?"

"Would you ever consider forgiving me?" I ask. I don't let her give me an answer before I walk out of the room. 

Outside of her room, in the hall I slide down the wall, slighting hidden by a plant, and burry my hands in my head. 

I wonder if I went to far this time. If I will receive the one thing I want so much. I want to be relieved of the burden of the hurt I've inflicted with my own hands. I want to know if the snow that was because of me will ever melt into spring. 

"Tanaka." Shigure is sitting down next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. Gosh, it's times like these I wish this dumb curse would finish breaking. 

"Don't." I mutter, beginning to sob. 

And then, something I never expected to happen, happens. His curse breaks, and we both know it. Because the same feeling I felt when Keruno came to me, is here. But it's so much more vivid and very different. Keruno's was like a bird being released from a cage, free to fly. But with Shigure, it's like a dog that has been left on a chain for to long, finally released, free to run and play. 

He pulls me into a hug. And I cry and cry and cry. Like I child. Two emotions fight inside of me. The happiness and relief that Shigure is free, and then the shame I feel for all I've done. 

"I'm not the only one who's free." Shigure whispers. "You've freed Koharu. And yourself." 

I don't understand his words. Or how he would even know to say them. But they feel real. "Tanaka?"

Me and Shigure pull away, and Koharu is standing in the doorway of her room. Her body looks so fragile. But her face is strong, determined. "I have forgiven you."