Mercy | Relief

Chapter eight

Chapter 8 •

JEANIE

Dear Travis,

I remember the time when you would look at me like that. With that smile as you glance at me from across the room.

And then I would always blush and smile.

Then you would wink at me.

Those were the moments that I wish I still had.

I mean, I saw those moments. Except they were with someone else. Not with me.

It hurts. It really hurts to know that someone you love is loving someone else. And there is nothing I can do about it.

Except watch it all unfold.

I somehow wish I could see what is going on inside your mind when you left that night. When you decided to walk out on our marriage.

Me. You walked out on me too.

Then maybe I could have prevented it. Prevented you from leaving, and convincing you to stay.

But I couldn't. I couldn't.

I wonder what would happen if I ever told you that I loved you again Travis. What would you say? Would you tell me that you love me too? Or would you choose Lucy.

Because that is all I want to say to you. For you to know.

It is because I do love you, Travis. Here and now as I write this to you, I love you.

Are those just words to you? Were they just words to you then?

It's all I want to know as well. I want to know if you would love me back after this. After I figure out why you don't know me.

Why don't you know me, Travis?

Did Lucy hypnotize you to unlove me? To forget me, and love her? To marry her?

I wish I knew what is going on inside your head now. To see if there is just a little bit of love or memory of me.

But I guess I will never know, will I?

Not only will I never see what's going on inside your brain, neither will I ever hear you tell those words to me.

The ones I wish you would say to me. The ones I crave.

The words where you tell me that you love me.

But I won't. Ever again.

Jeanie.

I set the straightener on the counter, flipping my hair a few times. It looked a little presentable after I had blow-dried it and straightened it.

Tonight is a big night.

But it isn't because I thought it was going to be a big night. I knew it.

Travis said that he had something really important to tell me. To ask me.

Again.

I knew what it was going to be.

The last two times he told me this statement, I refused to tell it back to him. Even though I knew deep down it is true.

That I loved him.