Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

23 May, 1978 - Acceptance

She'd been accepted. She was stuck on the thought, repeating it like a chant in her head, an incantation that could chase away all the stress and anxiety that had built on her as graduation had inched closer and closer.

And now she felt... excited. Which felt weird. It was only realizing what this swelling in her chest was that she understood just how long it had been since she'd been excited for anything, since she'd had anything to really look forward to. And now... She wasn't entirely sure how to process this. Of course there were plenty of other things to iron out. She still had to figure out where she was going to live and how she was going to pay for things until she got her first paycheck but... But for the first time since she'd left home, she actually felt like she had a future. Like she had a purpose. Like maybe she could actually make something of herself.

She stifled a giddy little laugh. Merlin she felt light. She felt good and bright and wanted. Accepted. They'd accepted her. And she would be able to disappear into the world, to be just another face in the crowd while still doing something worthwhile. She could do some good in the world. And no one from the life she'd left behind would ever find her. She could be safe. She could be happy.

Without thinking, she stood up and grabbed her coffee and book bag and started across the hall. She wanted to tell the Marauders. Wanted to share her joy with her friends. Wanted to show them that she had a plan. She had a life. She had-

Her thoughts broke off as she passed the Hufflepuff table and saw what had to be dozens of staring faces turned on her. Her feet slowed and her joy crystallized and fell out of her chest, breaking on the floor at her feet. She had not thought this through. She, Lavinia Selwyn, Slytherin darling turned outcast, was walking across the Great Hall towards the Gryffindor table. Like she wanted to be there. Like she-

Her eyes fixed on the Marauders, on James and Peter's oblivious backs and Remus reading the newspaper and Sirius. Who was staring at her with something between shock and sympathy on his face. Her feet faltered even more, her heart tripping over itself as her skin grew hot from the weight of the hall's judgement.

She had almost completely stopped walking, feeling her eyes widen and her body go tight and anxious under the weight of so many judging eyes when she felt a hand on the small of her back. She jumped, not sure whether this touch came from friend or foe, only to hear Evans's voice in her ear.

"If you stop now, you'll make a fool of yourself," the redhead whispered, her hand on Lavinia's back pushing the other girl forward, practically marching her towards the Gryffindor table. "You keep your chin up and you keep going. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they got to you."

Lavinia blinked rapidly for a moment, startled, then glanced at Evans, who was looking straight ahead, for all the world like she neither knew nor cared that half the hall was staring at them. She felt a moment of jealousy, wishing she could do that, wishing the stares didn't get to her. So she tipped her chin up slightly and took a breath and followed Evans's example, wondering how many years it had taken Evans to learn that turning the other cheek was the best thing for it. She supposed the other girl had had plenty of practice and, not for the first, or last, time, felt a stab of guilt for all the times she'd been the one Evans had had to ignore.

As they approached the Gryffindor table, they were met with stares and whispers, but Evans didn't so much as slow her pace. She simply marched over to where the Marauders were sitting, told Peter to go sit next to Remus, and sat herself down next to James, pointing imperiously to the seat next to her and looking up at Lavinia with raised brows. It was clearly an order, something Lavinia rather resented, but at the same time, she saw the sense in it.

Knowing she couldn't well bail now, Lavinia sat down, dropped her book bag under the bench and wrapped both hands around her coffee mug, the folded letter pressed against the warm china. Across from her Peter was looking at her rather incredulously while Remus looked like he was trying very hard not to smile. Sirius was frowning and glancing around and for a moment Lavinia wondered why he was avoiding looking at her until he spoke.