A Voyage Towards the Horizon

📷 34: Going Home

"She left."

W-what?

"May nagbigay ng sulat nato sakin kanina." she handed me a paper na mukhang minurder na dahil lukot lukot at basa ng luha.

Binuklat ko ang papel at nakita roon ang sulat-kamay ni Thelma.

Mila,

I want to tell you that what we have is a real friendship, together with Amalia. I will be forever thankful with that. If you are now reading this letter, I am already gone. I left for some reasons I can't tell you. Always take care of your health. Take care of Amalia, Marco and Riguel. Maybe see you after 10 years?----when I am fully healed. I will always be your friend. Please live long and I genuinely hope for your happiness.

Thelma                    

Napakurap ako ng ilang beses. I didn't expect this one coming.

"May sakit ba si Thelma, Amalia?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Mila. "Akala ko kanina nagbibiro lang siya but I went to their house and she really left. Biglaan nga daw sabi ng mga magulang niya. Ayaw naman nilang sabihin kung saan siya pumunta."

Napasabunot ako sa aking sarili. I don't know what to do anymore. Everything's wrecked. And it is all my fault. "She can't leave Mila." I shaked my head. She can't leave because Ising is here!

Hinawakan naman niya ang mga balikat ko. "Do you know the reason kung bakit siya umalis?"

Umiling ako. It's you and Riguel. "We need to stop her." Yes. I need to stop her. "Anong pinakamalapit na port dito?"

"But she already left! Kanina ko pa to natanggap, that was two hours ago." turo niya sa sulat.

"Then we'll ask kung saan patungo ang barkong umalis two hours ago." I said, determined. I made my grandparents' story right. But on the process, I wrecked somebody else's. I need to fix this before I go. Before I go. "Mila? Saan na nga pala yung kopya mo ng picture natin sa fountain ng mga Alejandrino?"

Kumunot ang noo niya dahil sa biglaang tanong ko. "I gave it to Riguel. Hiningi niya."

I tried to look around at wala na nga doon sa vanity table niya. "May kopya naman siya diba?"

"Nawala niya daw." she shrugged. "Okay lang naman sakin na hingin niya. That only reminded me of my naiveness with Marco."

Magsasalita pa sana ako ngunit biglang bumukas ang pinto dito sa kwarto niya. "Amalia!" binati kami ng humahangos na mga lalaki. Marco, Riguel and Ising.

Agad akong sinunggaban ng yakap ni Marco. "Where have you been?" nanghihina niyang tanong. I stiffened.

Tinulak ko siya ng bahagya at dahil nga wala siyang lakas ay napakalas siya ng yakap. Agad naman akong nagmadaling lumabas. "I need to go."

"Saan ka pupunta?!" rinig kong humabol sila. Hindi ako sumagot at dumiretso sa sasakyan.

I drove away. Nakita kong sumusunod sila sa akin gamit ang sasakyan ni Marco. I didn't mind them at tinahak na ang daan papunta sa Dumanggas. That was a long drive dahil I passed through six municipalities. Dito kasi sa Dumanggas ang pinakamalapit na Roro port.

I went out at dumiretso na sa information desk. I asked for the destinations of the ships which left two hours ago at agad akong nawalan ng pag-asa nang makita ang sandamakmak na listahan.

Nanghihina akong umalis roon at napaupo nalang sa isang bench. I cried hard because I failed. Minsan lang ako magkamali. Minsan lang ako hindi magtagumpay at hindi ako sanay sa ganon.

I felt something on my back kaya napatingala ako. I saw them. "Let's just let Thelma. Malaki na siya, alam na niya kung ano ang makakabuti sa kaniya." Riguel said softly. Ganitong ganito siya magpatahan sa akin noong bata pa ako.

I covered my face with my hands at doon umiyak. This is not just about Thelma leaving. This is for the whole thing that's happening to me. I already did my best but I'm still a failure.

I can't start all over again can I? And I also think I can't go through it again. I feel tired now.

"Tara na?" rinig kong tanong ni Marco kaya sinilip ko siya. I saw him alone. Wala na sina Riguel.

He's standing in front of me and I just stared at him. He is the best example of my failing. I shouldn't have loved him in the first place.

"I failed, Marco." I said weakly. Wala na akong lakas. "Hindi dapat umalis si Thelma, magkakatuluyan pa sila ni Ising. I ruined them." I sobbed.

He held my chin using his fingers to make me look at him. "You must know that there are things you can't control, Amalia." marahan niyang sabi.

"And there are also things that I can't just run from, Marco. The happenings now doesn't fit the puzzle. It opposes what I saw in the future. And me, being the one who saw them, must make them right." I countered.

Akala ko kakalabanin niya pa ang mga salita ko pero tumawa lang siya. "Wow. Bait naman ng ex ko." he teased and I froze.

Napalunok ako at umiwas ng tingin. Hindi ko alam kung sarkastiko ba yon o hindi. "Is that a compliment?" I asked, avoiding his gaze.

He shrugged. "You decide."

"Cold." I commented and he lightly chuckled.

"You must stop fixing other people's relationship Amalia. Minsan kailangan mo ding unahin ang sayo." I lifted my head and I met his eyes. "Maghihintay ako sayo." he smiled. "But for now, we'll stay as exes." tumawa naman ako. Aasahan ko yan Marco. Sabi mo maghihintay ka. "Uwi na tayo?"

Tumango ako at tumayo narin. I followed him at nagulat pa nang dumiretso siya sa sasakyan ko. I thought we are exes? Do exes ride the same car at the same time?

I just shrugged it off at pumasok na sa driver's seat. Umismid pa ako nang makitang relax na relax siya sa kabilang upuan. "Ikaw magdrive. Napuyat ako kakahanap sayo kagabi." tinuro niya ang manibela. This is the first time na matiwasay niya akong pinabayaan sa pagda-drive.

I drove away at sumunod naman ang sasakyan niya na si Riguel ang nagda-drive. I didn't bother explaining kung saan ako galing kagabi. He didn't ask either.

I thought of taking the other route pauwi, yung daan sa Barotac Nuevo, but Marco told me na wala naman daw daan doon. So I just concluded na maybe hindi pa nila natuklasan but merong short cut doon duh!

Pumantay si Riguel sa sasakyan ko sabay bukas ng bintana niya kaya binuksan ko rin yung akin. "Marco!" sigaw niya galing sa kabila. "Girlfriend mo na ulit?!"

Tumawa naman yung katabi ko. "Hindi! Ex ko parin!" sigaw niya rin pabalik. Napa-iling nalang ako natatawa na sa sitwasyon namin. "Pero kahit ex ko to, hindi parin to pwedeng ligawan!" patuloy niya. "Sana marinig ng isang lalaki diyan!"

Sumungaw naman ang ulo ni Ising sa bintana ni Mila, galing pa siya sa likod. "Hindi ko narinig! Sorry!"

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mwa.