All is Found

5

            They let me borrow their car for my trip to the store and I had them make a list of things they needed that I could get them. With my hat on, hood up and black aviators on my face I made my way through the grocery store without any interruption. I probably ended up buying more food then I needed but I'll just give it to Pat and Ed when I need to leave again.

            After I brought all of the food inside and put it away I took a trip to the place that brought me home in the first place. I parked the car on the edge of the embankment and grabbed the flowers from the passenger seat before getting out. The walk was longer then I remember it to be as I sat on the frozen ground in front of the graves. I placed the bright orange marigolds in front of the dark marble headstone of my sister and took the Boston Red Sox hat off my head to place in front of my brothers.

            Ashley and Asher Monroe. I knew that when the burglars broke into our house things weren't going to end well. My older brother, always the protector, heard the glass shatter from his bedroom and ran into mine and told me to hide and lock the door. I didn't listen as I ran to my younger sister Ashley's door to try and protect her but she wasn't in her room. Then the first gun shoot rang out and I heard a thud. I didn't know who it was but I had a bad feeling it was Ashley.

            I could hear Asher yelling at the intruders that I wasn't here. Whoever they were, they were looking for me. Asher fought as hard as he could but there were two of them and only one of him. The next three shots rang out and I felt my soul leave my body. Hidden deep in my sisters closet I heard the police sirens in the distance and the burglars run out of the house.

            Once I thought they were gone I left the closet and slowly made my way down the stairs to find my brother leaning over my sisters body. Blood and broken glass littered the floor as I ran over to them. Asher tried to push me away to go hide encase they came back but I wouldn't listen. Ashley was barely breathing and Asher started to go limp over my sister. Asher kept saying to help her, leave him and help Ashley but I tried to help them both. Ashley had this look in her eye like she knew she wasn't going to survive this. She kept trying to say it's okay over and over again and I put pressure on her wounds.

            Police arrived a few minutes later and made sure that the intruders were gone as they called for backup and ambulances. Help came a few minutes later and I was in hysterics trying to be with my siblings. The police gave me a ride to the hospital and a nice officer stayed with me when they delivered the news that dispute their best efforts couldn't not save my brother or sister.

            A year later still raked with survivors guilt and violent flashbacks that never wanted to go away I'm sitting with my siblings again. I don't remember how long I sat in front of their graves crying for. The sun starting to set was the only indication that I have been sitting here for too long. It took for the sun to completely disappear from the horizon for me to get up off the ground and make my way back to the car.

            Pat and Ed wanted me to have dinner with them but I declined. They knew about what happened a year ago but I didn't have the heart to be with them tonight. Tonight would be about watching old video of the three of us and drinking myself into oblivion.

            Waking up the next morning I all I knew was that my head felt like it was in two pieces. The light shining through the windows forced me to embrace the new day as I slowly sat up on my couch and looked around. An empty bottle of vodka is lying on the floor and the TV screen is black. I grabbed my cell phone and saw I had one missed call from my manager and a voicemail that I just deleted instead of listening to it.

            I rose from the couch and started to make myself some coffee to try and get myself together. While the coffee was brewing I went to the bathroom and looked myself over. The bruise on my temple is slowly starting to fade while the hand print grip on my upper arms are a dark blue still. It will be at least another week before those start to fade, it's a good thing it's winter. After washing my face I returned to my kitchen and started to sip my coffee when I heard someone walk up my front steps.

            Grabbing the largest butcher knife from the block I cross the kitchen to the living room as a knock on the door pierced my silent morning. Carefully not to be seen from the windows in the front of my house I walked up to my front door and found my manager standing there not looking happy.

            "I know you're here Ashlyn, open the door, now." Bobby said already angry.

            I weighed the options in my head for a moment. Open the door and let an angry Bobby into my home or leave him on the stoop and pretend my I'm not home. As much as I want to do the latter I know I can't leave him outside for long. Still clutching the knife I slid the chain lock and unlocked the door. I made sure to stay behind the door as he stalked inside holding the knife behind my back so he wouldn't see it.

            "How many times did I tell you that you have commitments and you couldn't come to Salem now Ash!" Bobby yelled looking at me as I closed the front door.

            "How many times did I tell you that I didn't care about that Bobby." I said trying to remain clam.

            "We have meetings with the label this week Ash to discuss your future with them and you pick this week to go awol!" Bobby said taking his tone down a little bit.

            "I told you not to schedule meetings for the second and third week of January, that I was going home to Salem. You didn't listen Bobby, that's not on me." I said and walk back to my kitchen wanting to put as much space in between me and him as possible.

            "They are willing to offer you a five year four album deal worth almost 400 million dollars Ash, that's something you can't just table for time off!" Bobby was back to yelling.

            "And how much of that would you get?" I asked slipping the knife into a draw.

            "That doesn't matter, what matters is that they want to make you into a larger than life popstar. They want to make you the next Lady Gaga." Bobby said.

            "How many times have I told you that's not what I want!" I yelled back at him wanting this conversation to be over.

            "So you just want to give away this large career you have now?" Bobby asked.

            "Yes! I don't want to do this anymore. When I wanted to become a musician I had my brother and sister with me and they supported me through everything. This past year without them made me reevaluate everything. I want to be making the music I want to make, not this crappy pop shit I was forced into making. I want to live my truth and not the press releases you send out!" I yelled at him.

            Bobby didn't say anything to me. He rounded the corner of the kitchen island and slammed me into the cabinets. The back of my head cracked against the dark oak wood and his hands grip my upper arms in the same spot of the burses that were trying to heal.

            "You ungrateful piece of shit. I was the one who discovered you on YouTube. I got you into meeting with all the big name labels. I was the one who got you signed to the label and got your career off the ground. I was the only who pulled you out of the hole you fell into when they died and this is how you repay me? With this wanting to leave the industry shit!" Bobby yelled in my face.

            "If I can't be myself then I don't want anything to do with music." I said and set my jaw.

            Bobby searched my eyes for the lie but when he realized I was telling the truth he pushed me back into the cabinet again and let me go.

            "We are leaving in two days to meet with the label." Bobby said and backed away from me.

            I watched Bobby's retreating form and heard the slam of my front door. Once I was sure he was gone I ran over to the garbage can and threw up the little bit of coffee I had in my system. I'm not getting on that plane with him. I rather die than go back.

Photo on the side is of Lyndsy Fonseca who plays Allison Ramsey.