One thing colby hated more than anything was that people wore black at funerals. It made everything seem so bleak and miserable; weren't these ceremonies supposed to be a celebration of life? Colby always imagined his funeral being colourful and bright; with his favourite songs blasting from speakers. He would want his family and friends to be laughing and joking with everyone; he didn't want people crying into tissues whilst they listened to people who barely knew him drone on about how amazing he was. And Colby knew for a fact that Sam would want the same thing. He knew that because they'd had countless conversations about it. Sam wanted his funeral to be a celebration of his life; so why was he sitting in a church in a black suit with a bunch of sams relatives who were all crying into tissues. Colby was crying too; but he tried to stop. He knew sam would want him to be happy. All of the friendship group were there too. Jake was sat next to colby; arm hooked around the sniffling brunette boys shoulders.
Colby hated this. He'd tried to explain to sams mum that Sam's would have wanted to be cremated; but the blondes mother was adamant that her son would want to be buried. So, that's what was going ahead. A ceremony, an open casket; and then sam would be lowered into the ground; never to be seen again. Colby knew that wasn't what the blonde would want. Sam wanted to be cremated; and he wanted his ashes scattered on the grounds of the abandoned warehouse teenage sam and colby explored all the time back in Kansas. But sam hadn't written it down anywhere; there was no proof that what colby was saying was true. So, sams mum had the final say.
The service was bleak. Relatives and friends gave speeches. Colby had to stop himself from jumping up there and snatching the mic from all these weird people he didn't think Sam had even met before. He wanted to snatch that mic and tell them what sam was really like. How he enjoyed playing video games with his friends, how he liked doing stupid group challenges like blindfolded hide and seek, how he was always so neat and organised and had his life together; way more than colby ever could. The brunette did give his own speech; obviously. He was the blondes best friend. He spoke briefly- he knew sam wouldn't want him to drone on like everyone else seemed to be doing. He kept his speech brief; just talking about his favourite moments he'd shared with sam. How amazing the blonde was. How much he meant to him. Colby was a mess by the end; and as he left the stage he was bought into a hug by Elton; who held the boy tightly. And then it was time for everyone to say their last goodbyes. He watched as relatives and friends walked to sams casket and peaked inside. He watched as sams mum took one look at her son and broke into sobs. It broke his heart.
Colby waited until everyone had left; and was gathered outside ready for the burial. That's when he carefully approached the open casket. Tears fell down his red cheeks when his eyes fell onto the body of his best friend. Sam was pale; he looked... well he looked dead. It was stupid; but colby didn't expect him to look dead. He expected him to look like sam; but he didn't. The blonde was in a suit; one of sams own; and the brunette knew that Sam used to hate that suit. His hair was styled all wrong; it didn't look right. But he looked peaceful; and that made colby smile slightly. However, there were a few things he knew he had to fix. He wiped his tears quickly; and then reached into the casket; his shaky hands untying sams tie; that was tied tightly around his neck. He threw it aside; and then unbuttoned the top button of sams shirt. Colby knew that sam used to hate having his top button done up; he used to complain that it was choking him. Next, colby moved his hand through sams blonde curls; styling it gently so it looked more normal. More like Sam. And then last but not least; colby reached into his pocket; and pulled out a polaroid photo. It was one the two had taken on their first day in Los Angeles. They both looked so happy; it bought tears to colby's eyes. The brunette smiled; before gently placing the photo into sams hand; closing the blondes hand slowly so he was holding it. Colby sniffed; wiping his eyes once more. There was something else; something burning in his chest. Something he had to say. Something he would regret for the rest of his life if he didn't say this now.
"I love you, Sammy."
And with that; the brunette placed a gentle, soothing kiss to sams pale forehead; and forced himself to turn around; walk out of the church and join the others.
Colby opened his eyes; feeling the wetness coating his cheeks. He sat up, using his sleeves to wipe his eyes. His heart was racing; his breaths were slightly faster than usual; but that was mostly because of the crying. The 23 year glanced around; taking in his surroundings. He was in his room, that meant- thank god... it was a dream. Relief washed over colby; as the brunette stood up on shaky legs. He walked himself to his bathroom; standing in front of his sink and turning the tap on. He splashed his face with cold water, washing away the tear tracks on his cheeks and the water droplets clinging to his eyelashes. He turned the tap off; and then reached for a towel and dried of his face. He left the bathroom; planning on getting back into bed and trying to get some more sleep. It was the middle of the night after all. But the image of Sam laying dead in a casket was burned into the back of his eyelids and he knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Well, maybe if he saw Sam... then maybe he'd okay. And that's all he was planning on doing. He was just gonna go to sams room; pop his head round the door and make sure that sam was alive and breathing; then retreat back to bed. But as soon as colby's eyes landed on the small blonde cuddled into the bed; colby knew he wouldn't be able to leave so easily. He wanted to hold the boy close, hug him, kiss him, make him his. But sam didn't feel the same; or so he was presuming. He'd been holding this secret on his shoulders for years now. Knowing since the first day of band camp that he was very much in love with sam golbach. And he couldn't help it; so he just had to live with it.
Colby sighed; soft eyes glancing at the boy cuddled up amongst the blankets. And before he could process what he was doing; colby was lifting the covers, sliding into bed next to the blonde. Sam whined; which colby thought was adorable- and then rolled over to face whoever had just woken him from his peaceful slumber. When the blondes eyes landing on colby; he scrunched his face up in confusion.
"What are you doing?" Sam yawned; his voice scratchy from sleep. Colby didn't answer; instead he shuffled forward and hesitantly wrapped his arms around the blonde. He promised himself he wouldn't do this; that it was only gonna make things worse. But right then in that moment; feeling the blonde in his arms- not pulling away, but snuggling closer, he forgot about his promise. The brunette sighed; nuzzling his nose into the blonde hair underneath his chin. The brown dye had almost all washed out now; and colby could see the blonde returning back to the strands.
"Whats this for?" Sam muttered; voice muffled slightly by colby's chest.
"Just... happy you're here," colby replied; laying his cheek on top of sams head and tightening his hold on his best friend.
"What?" Sam asked groggily, shifting slightly so he could look up at colby.
"I had a dream, a bad one. I'm okay, just.. made me think about some stuff," colby admitted; eyes diving into sams.
"You wanna talk about it?" The blonde offered, lacing his and colby's hands together and squeezing. The brunette smiled, before speaking.
"You died; that was it basically. It was a boring funeral; believe me.. you'd of hated it," colby spoke. Sam scoffed, laying his head back on colby's chest.
"You know you don't have to worry about that right? Me dying," sam reassured.
Colby just hummed; glancing down at sam. Should he say something? Was now the right time? Would sam just blow him off; tell him he wasn't thinking straight. Tell him that tiredness was influencing his brain.
Right. Fuck it.
"I love you, Sammy."
"Love you too," sam mumbled.
"No, sam I love you. Like, I really love you..." colby whispered. The brunette felt sam tense in his arms; and then the blonde was untangling himself from colby and sitting up. Colby did the same.
"Colby..."
"I know, I know okay. I know you don't feel the same; and now you probably hate me. Just... seeing you die in that dream; i got worried; like you could die tomorrow and I'd have to live the rest of my life knowing that I never told you. And I don't want this to change anythi-"
Colby was cut off, however.. by soft pink lips pressing hesitantly to his own. It took colby a moment to realise that- holy shit. Sam was kissing him. Colby kissed back; eyes fluttering closed. The blonde was so gentle; so perfect. Colby cupped the blondes cheek; pulling him closer. Hands threaded in colby's hair; scratching against his scalp softly. In the end; they had to pull back to breathe. Colby's eyes were wide; his lips red and his breathing quick. Sam smiled softly; laying down and pulling colby back down with him. He let the brunette rest his head on the blondes chest; and sam didn't hesitate to thread his fingers through Colby's brunette strands.
"Believe me, I love you too."
I don't know what it is with me and writing fics about nightmares recently but whatever 😂
Just a quick reminder to please, please, please be kind to people. No matter what they say, no matter how rude they are, just please try and be nice. As sam said- fighting fire with fire just makes the fire bigger.
I love you all ❤️
