{ set in Colby's apartment}
Colby wasn't ok. Colby was far from ok. Colby was so far from ok he didn't think he would ever be ok ever again. And the worst part was, he didn't understand why. He didn't understand what the massive weight on his shoulders was, why or what put it there or how to get rid of it. Colby simply didn't know. And it scared him. It scared him to death. He and Sam had just won a teens choice award. On the outside, Colby seemed over the moon. On the inside, Colby felt nothing. He was numb. Like the feelings had been dragged out his body, leaving him empty. He hadn't left his apartment in days, the only thing occupying him was the voices of the characters from the TV channels he was watching, and the occasional itch or sting from the red lines covering both his wrists. Colby never thought he would ever hurt himself. But it made him feel again. He felt something when the sharp metal pierced his skin, and so he did it, over and over again. He had his phone switched of, ignoring the calls and texts from a worried Sam and the comments from fans asking where the brunette had gotten too. Sam had come to his door yesterday, but Colby had ignored Sams desperate shouts to be let him. He didn't want anyone seeing him like this. Especially not the blonde boy who he cared so deeply about. And so the sofa was where colby stayed. Away from any social interaction, cleverly avoiding phone calls and texts and knocks at the door. And the sofa was where Colby was now, his eyes glued to the television, where a series on Netflix was playing. He wasn't interested in it. Colby wasn't interested in much anymore. The soft knocking on his door distracted him from the show. He ignored it as always, trying to block out the constant knocking, but when it finally stopped, Sams voice took its place. "Colby!" He called out, muffled from the wooden door separating the two boys. "Colby please open the door!"
Colby tried returning his focus to the TV, but the pain and concern laced in between Sams words tugged on his heart strings, a feeling that seemed foreign to him. "Colby everyone's worried!" Sam tried yet again, knocking louder. Sam could hear the buzz of the television. He knew Colby was right there. He knew he could hear him.
"I'll call the cops dude," Sam warned, trying the door handle, but to no luck, the brunette had locked himself in. He sighed and rested his head on the door.
"Colbs, please."
Those two words made Colby freeze. The pain Sam was feeling on the other side of that door seemed to travel through the room, and root itself deep in colby's heart. Those two words made Colby stand up, walk towards the door, get the keys that had been untouched for days, unlock the door and open it. He was faced with Sam, his best friend, worry painted all over his adorable face. "Oh colby..." Sam sighed, eyes scanning over his best friend, taking in his pale skin, the bags under his eyes and his slumped posture. "Can I come in?" Sam asked gently, taking a step forwards. Colby moved to the side, letting Sam in and shutting the door behind him without saying a word. He walked back over to the sofa and sat back down, making sure his jumper sleeves were all the way down, just in case. Sam soon plonked himself down next to colby, staring long and hard at the brunette. "Have you slept?" Sam asked, to which Colby replied with a weak shrug, not even looking at the blonde. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Sam continued, shuffling closer to his friend. "I promise whatever it is I'll try and help."
"There's nothing wrong, Sam."
"Yes there is, Colby. It's so obvious. You haven't left this place, you shut everyone out. Why? Please just tell me why," Sam sighed, his hand finding Colby's and holding it tightly. Colby looked down at their hands, and took a deep breath, sudden realisation about the worry he'd caused his friends hitting him like a tidal wave.
"I don't know," Colby answered simply, biting the inside of his cheek.
"What do you mean?" Sam asked softly, glad he was finally getting somewhere as he tightened his grip on Colby's hand.
"I can't feel anything..." Colby spoke, a frown appearing on Sams face.
"Just nothing."
Sam gently put his arm around Colby, pulling him closer. The touch made a sudden spark go of in Colby, and suddenly he was holding back tears. He didn't understand. For weeks all he felt was emptiness, and now, Sam had been with him for a couple of minutes and he was drowning in emotion. Sam didn't say a word, but he shifted positions so he could hold his friend more comfortably, and his hand holding Colby's accidentally brushed his wrist. Colby winced, retracting his hand quickly. He realised pretty quickly his mistake, when he looked up to see Sam looking at him, tears welling in his eyes. The blonde took his hand back from around Colby's shoulders, panic filling his veins. "Please, please tell me you didn't,"
Sam pleaded, his heart filling with so much regret and guilt. Why didn't he notice? How could he let colby get so bad? When Colby said nothing, Sam spoke again.
"Colby roll your sleeves up."
Again, Colby did nothing, but Sam needed to know. He slowly reached out, and began rolling up Colby's sleeve, the brunette making no attempt in stopping him. Sam already knew what Colby had done, so there was no use hiding it anymore. Sam had to hold in a gasp as his eyes rested upon the collection of scars, new and old, littering Colby's arms. "Colbs...." Sam sighed, running his thumb across the lines, almost hoping he could wipe them away, and it would be like they were never there. Colby couldn't hold in his tears anymore as he let them spill down his cheeks and drop down his chin, some dropping down onto his arm below him, some travelling down his neck. "Why?" Sam asked, pulling Colby's sleeve back down gently, unable to look at them for any longer.
"Cos it made me feel something."
Something in Sam broke hearing Colby's confession. Knowing his friend was so desperate to feel again he put himself through pain to do so. Sam bought his hand up and cupped Colby's cheek, his thump wiping away the tears that were still freely falling.
"Look at me," Sam said, his hand not moving from the brunettes face. Colby dragged his empty, grey eyes to look into Sams slightly teary blue pools.
"I got you," Sam smiled, pulling Colby into a tight hug, rubbing circles on the youngers back as the brunette buried his head in the crook of Sams neck, smelling in his scent, relaxing immediately. "Everything's gonna be ok, I'm going to make it ok," Sam soothed, running his hand through Colby's hair.
And in that moment, Colby truly believed that maybe, just maybe, he was gonna he alright.
So, this was really tough to write, and actually made me tear up :(
