A Guide to Best Worship Allah

15: Worship of Salaf (Part Nine)

7. Marriage:

Another aspect of worship that the Salaf focused on was marriage. They recognised from the teachings of Islam that unlike often portrayed by non-Muslim ascetics and monks, celibacy or monasticism is not a virtue or a key to the path to salvation. Rather, true submission entailed disciplining the natural human desire of connection and intimacy by channelling it in the healthy institution of marriage.

Imâm Ahmad - Allâh have mercy in him - said:
{Voluntary} bachelorhood has nothing to do with Islâm. The Prophet ﷺ married fourteen women, and he died being married to nine of them. If Bishr b. Al-Hârith had married, his affairs would be complete. If people left marrying no one would go to battle or go on pilgrimage (Al-Hajj), and such-and-such wouldn't happen.

He went on to say:
The Prophet ﷺ would wake in the morning and his family would have nothing to eat and go to bed at night and they would have nothing to eat, [yet] he died married to nine wives, he chose marriage and encouraged others to marry.
(Abû Bakr Al-Marrûdhî, Kitâb Al-Wara' p116, 117)

Ṭāwūs b. Kaysān was a great scholar and ascetic. He was the most renowned scholar of Yemen during his time. He is regarded as one of the senior companions and students of Ibn 'Abbās, and reports narrations from a number of other Companions.

It is reported that Ṭāwūs - Allāh have mercy on him - said, "The worship and devoutness of a young person is not complete until he marries."

Ibrāhīm b. Maysurah reports that Ṭāwūs said to him, "You better get married or I will say to you what ʿUmar b. Al-Khattāb said to Abū Al-Zawā'id: 'Nothing but incapability or sinfulness is preventing you from getting married!'"
(Al-Dhahabī, Siyar A'lām Al-Nubalā', in his biography of Ṭāwūs.)

It is reported that 'Abdullāh b. Masʿūd - Allāh be pleased with him - said:
If I had ten days left to live, and I knew I would die by the end of them, and I had enough time to get married, I would get married for fear of temptation (fitnah).
(Sa'īd b. Mansūr, Al-Sunan article 493)

It is reported that Al-Aḥnaf b. Qays - Allāh have mercy on him - said:
"Restraint is praiseworthy except in three things."
People asked, "And what are they o Abū Baḥr?"
He replied, "Make haste to do the righteous deed, hurry to conduct the funeral of your deceased, and marry the girl in your charge to a suitable man [as soon as you find him]."
(Abū Bakr Al-Daynūrī, Al-Mujālasah wa Jawāhir Al-'Ilm 6:307)

Morever, our prophetic teachings assert to us the fact that the greatest and most valuable gift a person can get in his life is a righteous spouse.

It is reported that 'Umar b. Al-Khattāb - Allāh be pleased with him - once addressed the people and said:
No man can have anything better after faith (īmān) than a woman of righteous character, loving and child-bearing. And no man can have anything worse after unbelief (kufr) than a sharp-tongued woman of bad character.
(Al-Ḥāfidh Abul-Qāsim Al-Aṣbahānī, Al-Targhīb wa Al-Tarhīb article 1528. Also recorded in other sources with a slight variation in wording.)

Our pious predecessors were also people with exemplary character to their family; which first and foremost extended to their wives. They were generous to an extent that even when their spouses exhibited foul manners, they rarely blamed the other for the trials they faced, and instead would look at themselves as an evaluation based on Allah's statement, "And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned." [Ash-Shurah: 30]

After the death of his wife Umm Ṣālih, Imām Aḥmad - Allāh have mercy on them, used to praise her. He once said:
In the thirty years she was with me, we never had a single word of disagreement.
(Al-Khaṭīb Al-Baghdādī, Tārīkh Baghdād 16:626)

Imam Abu Bakr ibn Al-Labaad Al-Maliky (333H) was married to a woman who had a loose tongue and she used to attack him with it. It was even said that one day she called him an adulterer, so his companions advised him to ask her who did you sleep with? When he asked her, she said the maid. They then told him to go back to her and say which maid? After that, she said, "Yours." As a result of that, his companions asked him to divorce her and that they would supply her the rights she's entitled to.

Imam Abu Bakr said, "I am afraid that if I divorce she will be a trial for another Muslim, and perhaps Allah will repel from me a great evil based on her accusation. I proposed to a lot of ladies, but Allah decreed her as my wife, so how could divorcing her be a way to recompense the favor Allah gave me. Every man has a test in this life and my wife is my trial."
(Tarteeb Al-Madarik vol 1/pg. 359)

May Allah make us the coolness of our spouse's eyes and them a coolness of our eyes. Aameen.