What If

Epilogue

"So you met your uncle," Libby said.

"Yeah." Amala's face softened as the other girl sighed heavily.

"I wish I'd had the chance to know my Aunty Alaya," she whispered. "Instead, all I've really had is this echo; a shadow left behind where she should be."

"You met her though, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Libby conceded. "But she left when I was four- that's a bit early for me to remember."

"My Uncle Jeffrey's gone now too." Amala said, as if this would lessen the other girl's suffering; as if it would soften her pain.

Libby shook her head, as if to wash away any hope of these outcomes. "But you got to know him, you remember him."

Then, it was Amala's turn to sigh. "Yeah, you're right." Her Uncle Jeffrey had had a good life before he'd passed away- he'd married her Aunty Grace, and together, they'd given her two cousins, a boy and a girl. Grace's brother Kassim had always been around too, like an extra Uncle to make up for the absence of her father, and now, her Uncle Jeffrey.

"I'm sorry Libby," she said finally, meeting her friend's brown eyed gaze. "What would you say to your Aunty Alaya if you had the chance to meet her?"

Tears streamed down Libby's cheeks as she struggled to get the words out in between sobs. "I'd ask her why she had to leave so early. I'd tell her how much she's loved, how much she's missed, how much the shadow she left behind hurts when it's really all you've got; when it's all you know. I'd say that as much as I love having an angel who can be with me whenever I feel all alone and scared, I'd rather have her here with us. With me."

Amala exhaled slowly, robbed of any words. The flood of Libby's emotions lapped at her, the sadness touching her deeply.

Her Uncle Jeffrey had told her about how he'd struggled, about how close he'd come to leaving early, like Libby's Aunty Alaya had. She couldn't imagine a life without her uncle in it; cheering her on at every school awards presentation, lifting her on to his shoulders when she was small so she'd felt on top of the world; the way he'd treated her like his own even after Lyle and Jenny had come along. She really couldn't imagine her Uncle Jeffrey as a shadow that brought with it a void of treasured memories that should have been.

"The shadow hurts, Amala," said Libby again. "I didn't even know her. Not really. But I miss her, so much, every single day."

Amala sighed. She missed her Uncle Jeffrey too, but at least he'd lived. Maybe he'd left early, but not too early, like Alaya and countless others who left because they couldn't see any other way. The thought made her heart ache. She smiled, knowing her Uncle Jeffrey had made an impression on the world he'd left behind; her uncle was her angel now, but he was not a shadow. Jeffrey Vincent had found another way- he hadn't left early, even though he'd tried, even with how close he'd come. Even with a million demons plaguing his every thought and haunting his every move. No, Jeffrey Vincent had stayed. He had lived, and he had made a life and an impact on the world. Maybe he'd left before his time, but he had not left early. If nothing else, Amala was comforted knowing there were still little pieces of her Uncle all around; even though he was gone now, he lived on- in Grace, Lyle and Jenny, in her, and in the memories they all shared.

Amala smiled. She could almost picture her Uncle Jeffrey standing in the corner of the room, looking just like he always had; his caramel hair flopped over his forehead, brushing against the top of his eyebrows. He leaned casually in the corner, one leg crossed over the other, arms folded over his chest. So casually relaxed, he could easily have lost his balance and fallen down. His sky blue eyes shone as he looked back at his niece.

"I can't wait until I see you again."  

——— 

In loving memory of my Uncle. Never forgotten & loved always