What If

Chapter 15

"Hi Jeffrey."

He smiled at the familiarity of his fellow AA members' collective greeting. "Has anyone ever been scared to tell someone about this..." Jeffery looked around, at the group, then at the church hall before his eyes returned to their resting place, the giant crucifix situated at the very back of the hall. "This part of you; telling someone, or making it public?"

There were a few nods and murmurs of agreement amongst the crowd before him. "Because I'm pretty scared," Jeffrey said, breathing heavily as he felt the weight of the burdensome fear lift with the admission. "Some of you might know that I dabble a little in the creative arts- I have the opportunity now to submit one of my pieces as part of an exhibition."

"But not just any exhibition," said Kassim, rising from his chair a few rows back. The sea of people seated between them turned to look at Kassim. From the corner of his eye, Jeffrey could faintly see Amy quietly tutting to herself in disapproval.

"It's a mental health art exhibition." Kassim went on.

At the edge of Jeffrey's field of vision, Amy perked up, nodding her agreement.

"Yeah," Jeffrey agreed. The sea of people turned back to look at him. "So there's a bit of potential there; for me to impact other people." Jeffrey paused, taking a breath as he spotted a few sceptical looks in the crowd. "Hopefully." He raised his hands, palms toward the ceiling, raising one ever so slightly higher than the other. "But on the other hand, there's this fear." As he spoke, Jeffrey shifted his hands so they were in the opposite position; left hand now slightly higher than the right.

"Fear of what Jeffrey?" Amy spoke up from her place in the front row and off to the side a little.

Jeffrey turned to look at her. "Of... Of the stigma, judgement, people looking at me differently, people thinking of me differently."

Amy stood, crossing the space between them to join Jeffrey at the front of the room; she waited until she was standing beside him, facing the crowd of their peers before speaking. "Who has ever felt those fears that Jeffrey is describing?"

Around the room, many people raised their hands in the air, some nodded, and others murmured their agreement.

Amy nodded in return, turning a little, so she was facing Jeffrey side on while also still facing the wider group at the same time. "So you're not alone with this- I think we've all been there."

More nodding, more murmuring.

Jeffrey cleared his throat, just as Amy started to open her mouth. If he didn't jump in now, he doubted he'd be able to cut in- once you got Amy going on something, there was little chance to stop her. "That's really great to know," he said, mirroring her stance to face both Amy and the rest of the group. "Really reassuring, but.. um... has anyone ever overcome those fears? Has anyone ever done it? Told someone you were scared to tell? Gone public?" Jeffrey looked around at his peers.

A few agonising minutes passed before Spencer rose from his seat. "I have."

"How'd it go?" Amy asked. "What was the response?"

Spencer's cheeks warmed to a slightly darker shade of pink than usual. "Well, I told one of my patrons; Sam had been through a fair bit of stuff herself, and when she was so honest with me, I just found it all spilling out of my mouth, kinda like the alcohol I'd pour." A few around him chuckled along with Spencer, Jeffrey among them

Spencer's gaze drifted down to his shoes a moment before rising again, glossing over Amy before coming to rest on Jeffrey. "It was the first time I'd ever told anyone, and mate, was I scared."