What If

Chapter 14

Jeffrey spent so long alone in his shed without emerging that Kassim was called to check in on him.

"Wow!" Kassim breathed as he stepped inside and looked around at the paintings Jeffrey had done since his last visit; there was at least double what there had been the day after Jeffrey had tried to leave early. "Brother, you really should enter an exhibition."

"You've said that," said Jeffrey, emerging from behind his easel.

"Because it's true."

Jeffrey shrugged, "maybe I will one day."

"You could start with the mental health art exhibition." Kassim crossed the space between them with a few strides, his mouth falling open at the sight of Jeffrey's latest project.

"But that begs the question of which one," Jeffrey turned around the room, glancing at each of his paintings in turn; the starry night sky, the half-deer half-girl being preyed upon by the lion in the forrest, the semicolon acting as a pause button for life, and finally, his current work in progress, with the shadow at the centre. As he reached the end of his circle, Jeffrey's eyes came to meet Kassim's.

It took him a moment to register, still lost in Jeffrey's latest masterpiece. Finally, he glanced up to meet Jeffery's blue eyed gaze. "This one," he gasped. "Definitely this one."

Jeffrey closed the space between them, moving to stand behind Kassim before the easel.

"This one what?" Came Kiara's voice. Both men turned to see she'd slipped inside the shed. Kassim sidestepped away from the easel, greeting Jeffrey's sister with a warm smile. "I was telling Jeffrey that this is the one he should enter in the mental health art exhibition. Come look."

The two men backed away to give Kiara the space to see. She stepped forward and around, coming to stand between them and the painting on the easel.

Jeffrey and Kassim stood behind with baited breath. After what felt like an eternity, Kiara turned to face them; her face lit up the moment her eyes met her brother's. "Jeff!" she almost squealed, bounding toward him with open arms. "Kassim is right you know; you have to enter it. You just have to."

Kassim folded his arms in triumph, a small smirk spreading across his lips. "See? What did I tell you Brother?"

"It's brilliant," Kiara agreed. "And so powerful, yet subtle, at the same time." Kassim nodded along. Jeffrey felt his face grow hot; he'd never been the best at accepting praise, although, his parents had never really been all that good at giving it either.

Kiara's face fell. "Jeffrey, what's wrong?" Her eyes searched his for some hint of his trouble, but she found nothing; at least, nothing she could clearly interpret. Kiara and Kassim followed him to the lounge beneath the window, sitting on either side of him.

"I.. I don't know," his eyes poured into Kiara's, as if pleading would somehow make her able to help him, to pull out what he couldn't.

"Brother, this is something to be proud of," Kassim tried from Jeffrey's other side. "I can tell it brings you joy; why not share it with the world? Especially when there's such an important message behind it."

"Is there though?" Jeffrey blinked as he turned toward him.

"Yes," both Kassim and Kiara said at once.

Kiara reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tight. She waited until he turned back to her before she spoke. "But it isn't worth the price of your mental health." She held his gaze. "Jeffrey, know that you do have an important story to tell. An important message to share with the world. But if you're not comfortable with it, then don't."

Kassim felt his breath catch in his throat as he listened to Kiara; her words landed like little pin pricks, tiny slaps back into reality. "Brother, I'm sorry," he said after a moment's silence. Kiara and Jeffrey shifted in their seats to look at him. "I'm sorry if you felt that I was pressuring you. That was never my intention. I.. I can see talent in you, and I like to think God gave it to you for a purpose. I know art is healing for you, and therapeutic; it helps you let it out. But I can't help but wonder if your art could touch others too. Your story is powerful, I think it has potential to move others; you just have to reach them. I was thinking of the exhibition as a means to do that; it's the very thing it's designed for, after all. But like your sister said, you should not do it if you are not comfortable."

Jeffrey nodded, then opened and closed his mouth several times as he tried to find the right words. "It's not that I'm not comfortable," he said. "Because I do want to reach people. I do. Otherwise, why did I get this second chance?" Though Jeffrey saw his sister's brows furrow together, he kept going. "It's just that it feels really scary; the idea of sharing it with others, of admitting to the wider world that I have a problem."

Kassim exhaled, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders as understanding dawned upon him. He nodded. "I can understand that."

"I don't know that I want people knowing such intimate things about me."

"Who says they have to know it's you?" Kassim asked.

"What?" Jeffrey asked, his eyes widening.

"It's a mental health art exhibition," Kassim said. "People can share some really personal stuff. Stuff they don't want people pinning to them."

"I can imagine," Kiara interjected.

"So some exhibit anonymously, others have only their first name."

Jeffrey remained silent, but his face did the talking; his brows furrowed, then relaxed as his brain processed the information, his lips turning this way and that as he considered. "In that case..." he started. "Maybe I will."

Relief flooded both Kiara and Kassim's faces. The alarm bells had ceased their wailing. They were out of the woods.

"So no one has to know," Kassim reiterated. "And it might be a great first step. In terms of healing, but also for you as an artist; to further your career."

A small smile escaped Jeffrey's lips.

Kassim clapped him gently on the shoulder. "You've got talent, Brother," he said. "It would be something of a crime not to share it with the world." Kiara nodded her agreement.

"Alright, alright," he said, swatting the air as if to swat a fly. "I'll put something in the exhibition."

Smiles stretched across Kiara and Kassim's lips. "Good."

When Kiara and Kassim had left him alone again, Jeffrey stood behind his easel, studying his latest painting; his masterpiece, at least in the eyes of Kiara and Kassim. He turned his head this way and that, moving further away then closer again in an attempt to see what they saw; both had been so adamant that this was 'the one', but why? His brows scrunched together as he thought, as he remembered the inspiration behind it. He gasped as realisation dawned suddenly upon him; it was his experience, almost. But could it have the power to drive the brevity of what was possible home to others? Could it possibly give others stuck down the deep, dark hole the cold hard slap in the face they need to wake up to the reality? To illustrate the reality of leaving early? Maybe; but the real question was, did he have the courage to share it?

Jeffrey didn't want anyone knowing; that was a fact. There was no use questioning it. But, it did beg another question; why? A series of ponderings ran through his head. In short, because he was scared of judgement, of people he knew knowing and looking at him differently, Thinking of him differently.

Jeffrey sighed as he wandered toward the lounge beneath the window. Kiara. Kassim. Grace. The most important people in his life already knew. The AA group knew as well, but they wouldn't judge; how could they when they had the same issues themselves? Jeffery gasped; AA- that was it; he could bring it to AA.