"don't leave me", you cried. "no diza, don't leave me."
"stay here diza, hold me. hold me tight diza, no. don't leave me."
"i need you here, diza. i need. you."
these words, escaping your mouth and collapsing into my laps, just like you did.
these muffled voices, they scream at me. yelling, at the back of my head, to lift your head up. lift your head up, and let you go.
these stifling screams fade away, into the tenebrosity of my mind, defeated by the beating song of my heart, that still carries your name, all throughout my veins, bursting open my arteries with butterflies.
it kills me to know. know that this is just momentary, and the second the hammering effect of yet another intoxicant, rushing in your blood, withers out of your system, i will be abandoned. again.
it breaks me to face the truth, that once the inebriate corollary sobers, you won't remember that it was me, and me alone who always clutched you closer to my heart, every single time, to help you end this night.
you hide behind the masks of strength and masculinity, pretend and lies, that you're okay, they never left you lonely, and that you're fine.
but i know. i have seen you cry. i have witnessed your nose go red and you, unable to breathe, gasping for air.
you tell me these sweetest fabrications, making me believe it is love, but i am hearing it wrong. i'm reading in between the lines. it's not you. these words, they abscond your mouth but it's not yours. it's the whiskey talking, my love, the whiskey is spinning these wiles.
-diza
9/4/19 (17:51pm)
