Inheritance

Part 2. Chapter Sixty-Three: Vulnerability

Her fingers poked through the mattress.

Angry tears glistened in her eyes as she crawled under her covers.

I've spent my whole life protecting his family. Why can't he be as loyal to me as I have been to him?

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"What's the matter, Pollyanna?" Her father had asked her once.

Pollyanna, sitting on their stoop, answered sullenly, "Mother doubts that I'll ever get married. What will I do if I don't? I'll have to work as a tavern wench or—or..."

Her father silenced her oncoming tears with a comforting hug. "You will do no such thing! Even if you can't find a man to marry, you are talented and smarter than any child I know. You'll find something grand to do with yourself. I doubt that you would be content with being a mother, anyway. What is it you truly want to do?"

Pollyanna looked both ways and then admitted, "I want to be the greatest warrior in all the land! I want to protect the innocent!"

Father grinned at her enthusiasm. "Whatever your finest dream is Pollyanna, never give it up."

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Pollyanna awoke with tearful eyes. She had accomplished her finest dream and had been content for so long since she had begun guarding the Arrozan family. But now...

Pollyanna smoothed her hair back, and, like she had since she began searching for Eory months back, felt how painfully empty her womb was.

Perhaps her dreams were changing, or perhaps she had always had a different dream.

I can't think of the baby I have lost. Not now.

Pollyanna grabbed her uniform and headed to the baths. Out in the hallway, She saw Eory ahead of her.

She wanted nothing to do with him.

She couldn't avoid him, however. He glanced back and noticed her; he slowed his own pace.

She kept their conversation short. She warned him to be careful of Maruka and didn't listen to whatever else he had to say.

Let us die together so we can both be freed from this painful bond between us. Pollyanna thought to herself.

She avoided him at the baths and during breakfast.

She sat between two other humans during breakfast and let Eory sit by Them, Eliita, and Terran.

She found that she wasn't very hungry. She picked at her food and found herself rubbing her temples anxiously.

For the first time in a long time, Pollyanna felt directionless. She questioned herself and every decision she was making of late.

She had nothing left to do but think, and her thoughts were suffocating.

I loved you Fjorn. I loved you more than anything, and yet I... I find myself resenting you. There was no need for you to carve your name into me. Why should you withhold this simple pleasure of life from me? This pleasure that everyone should be entitled to?

Them's suggestion echoed in her mind. Perhaps you should find something you're passionate about; something that has nothing to do with the Arrozans.

She was reminded of an empty womb at the memory of his words, and she felt her heart ache with a bottomless sadness.

She was overwhelmed by her dredged-up, crippling femininity.

Is there anything good about being a woman? She seethed.

She thought about herself thumbing away the speck of snow on Eory's face. She thought of how he had given up his freedom for her. She thought of how he treated her as a human being instead of a sword.