GHOST (The Shadow in the Dark)

Part One

          My favorite movies were those with zombies and walking dead because I shared the same similarities with them.  They were dead but could still walk, same with me. They had no feelings just like me. The only difference was I could still think and be aware of my environment making my case worse than their own because I could feel the emptiness and feel my miserable state.
My life could just be summarized in two words ‘living dead.’ But I somehow found a way to fill that emptiness with few list. Number one was my hatred for all Hausas and Fulanis, number two was my hatred for Hausas and Fulanis. That was my list till number ten and I made sure I pasted it on my wall and read it every day.
  You shouldn’t judge me nor tell me no matter what happened, I should not have practiced tribalism, just get to know my story, and get to understand that my childhood memory was all about one of them. His name was Ibrahim and he was my best friend but he died long ago, the last good Hausa I had ever met. So try understand where I was coming from.
I once had a life, I was once living although never fully felt alive, it was far better than my present state.  Two years, seven months and two weeks ago, I had family, a dad, a step-mum, two kid brothers, Efe was three years and Maro was three months. I also had a grandma but those herdsmen had ended their life and their sponsor had been my father’s client who actually came for the burial and gave us two million naira to compensate us. He even made a speech of how wonderful my dad was but the DPO who was from my tribe had helped exposed him. He was at the forefront of making sure Alhaji Umaru got a death sentence, even one Mallam Abdul and Musa who led the group who raped my step-mum, who butchered my dad and who could not spare Efe and Maro my little brothers, they were just kids but they still killed them. If I had followed them back when my dad came to Ozoro to pick me, I would have also faced my step-mother’s fate. Grandma had said I should still wait because she wanted to sow clothes for my step-mum and my siblings. I only saw the news once and the picture in the front page of Punch newspaper would forever taunt me. I couldn’t watch anymore, I could not turn on the TV because it was the topic for discussion. They were not the only ones, there was also another family. One Mallam Farouk was killed alongside his two wives and five children. At least there was no one left behind to suffer the pains of losing them, unlike me. I shut off social media and anything that would make me see my family being discussed. The DPO helped me follow the case because he always updated me. It was even discovered that one Hausa soldier who was supposed to protect my family had ignored what was going on, he had watched them destroy my family and kept silent and never reported the killers. Eleven of the men were killed during a shoot-out with the police while the police had lost two. Now you would understand my hatred. They brought about my emptiness, my zombie lifestyle and hatred for them was the only feeling I had. Every night I wished I had superpowers, I would visit Boko Haram, I would stop these herdsmen from murdering people in the name of religion. I did not write that I hated Muslims, I wrote Hausas and Fulanis and it had nothing to do with any religion. In fact I hated them for using religion to perpetrate their crimes.
   But as time passed on, only the writings on the wall remained because I could no longer feel much of the hatred. I still hated them mentally but I could not feel it. It was a good sign because it could indicate I was really becoming a full blown zombie.
   After Grandma slept and did not wake up and was buried same day by good neighbors, I was consolidated with my admission to study English and Literature Education at University of Benin. Although I applied to study law, I was okay with it as long as I would be busy with something. Money was never an issue because I had more than ten million naira in my account from different compensations. Although clearance was stressful, I loved it because at a point I almost forgot about my miserable life. I had rented a hostel in Ekosodin even before I started clearance. I was advised to stay in BDPA because it was safe but I chose Ekosodin because I had nothing to fear about. I could not end my life by myself because I knew it was an abomination and my body would be thrown in the evil forest. I still had little respect for my body but I would be happy if someone ended it, then my emptiness would be over.
      I made sure to write a bigger list of what I hated and I gummed it on my wall. I was never attacked, it was as if death and danger hated me because I always went to the school to read from 6:00PM to 8:00PM and I also went to fellowship at All Saints’ chapel but I always walked back to my hostel without getting attacked.        My life was just go to lecture, ignore friendship offers, make my hair when it was rough, go to fellowship on Thursday, read in school, then watch zombie movies using my laptop. I did not buy generator because neighbors would want to come charge and I did not want people to come close. The emptiness did not increase nor reduce, might be because I had already acknowledged myself as a Zombie.
    If only I knew that I would run when death really came, if only I knew that dread had a taste. My empty lifestyle was over because this new dread had filled it up. Even the DPO was lost, he had confirmed two of the people following me were killed and no one saw the culprit, nothing to describe him. He asked me a lot of questions and I had nothing to tell him. Apart from the man being tall, nothing. He had told me to change my SIM which I did and I also sold the phone and bought another one. I did not end there, I moved out of the hostel the next morning to a hostel not far from LTV visions, the first street by the right by Edo street.  I hired boys to transport my things and I told the caretaker he could give out the hostel and forget about paying me back. It worked because I never heard from him again.
      Just after two weeks, my life was back to Zombie mode, he was not coming back. He had no idea where I was and I had stop moving in the night and dark which was his working time. The police officers were still hanging around, about six of them and for some reasons it was no longer making me tense. At a point, I started thinking all was an illusion, like he was never real but I was very wrong because I felt him again and it was not in the night.
    I had gone for mid-week service at All Saints’ which ended by 5:30PM and I had taken a cab to Back Gate. Just when I crossed back gate to Ekosodin, I felt dread, my hairs stood up and goose bumps appeared on my arms making me fold my arms. He was back. I turned round to locate him, but I had no idea which side to look. He was everywhere because the feeling was everywhere. I became confused on what to do. I could not go to my hostel because he would follow me, I was not about to show him where I moved to.
“Shift commot for road” I heard an angry female voice.
She was already using her load to push me out. I shifted to my left which was pointing towards Newton Street. I made sure I stayed clear of pedestrians because the crowd coming into Ekosodin was much. It was the rush hour time. I studied every tall male that walked past the gate but saw nothing suspicious. I stood there watching, studying and eliminating them as suspects and I forgot darkness was coming. I only knew that was the game he was playing too late. He was waiting for me to be trapped by the dark. I quickly walked over to one of the police officers who was chatting with a taxi driver. I was not supposed to talk to them and they were not supposed to talk to me but they were my only option.
“He is here” I whispered.
He looked at me and understood what was wrong. He said something to the taxi man in Edo and held my hand. He brought out his phone and started typing, soon I saw the remaining five. They positioned themselves in a way that I was in the center.
“Let’s go. He won’t attack when we are six” the man said.
I nodded and I allowed them take me home using Newton as route. It was already 7:19PM and it was dark because there was no light but I could tell people were having fun with their life. Some girls held their boyfriends’ hands while buying soya. A fruit seller was screaming for people to buy her pineapple, some group of girls walked past us chatting about the kind of guys they loved.
“Tall, dark, masculine and long cassava…” one of them said making some pause their talk to look at them, some had to turn back to look for who spoke. The girls all burst out laughing at people’s reaction to her statement.
They continued talking excitedly oblivious to the danger around. None of these people knew there was a danger walking amongst them. Or maybe I was the only one in danger.  This was what I had wanted, to die and join my family but it was easier said than done. Now that death had finally noticed me, I wanted to live. I hated my miserable life but there was also the fear of the unknown, of the world beyond. We entered the first street by the right which was before Newton hostel. It was very dark, we should have used Edo Street, it was closer than Newton Street. I could feel the tension in the air, even the officers were tensed. I could only see just few people on the street but it was hard to figure them out because of the darkness.
“Stop” I said.
How could I forget or not understand his game? They were leading me to my hostel, showing him where I live.
“He will know where I live.”
Nigerian Police force needed to do more. I shouldn’t have been the one to point it out. From their posture, they had no idea what to do. I should have thought of a hotel earlier.
“I can go to a hotel for now” I suggested and they nodded like they were waiting for me to bring out the solution.
At least they had their guns and they were six because they acted like they knew nothing. I would just tell a cab man to take me to a hotel. It even made me remembered they should have transported me, not walk me to my hostel. I knew the killer wanted something but he could have changed his mind and I was in the open.
I turned to start my walk back to Back Gate but stopped. It happened so fast. I would never be able to fully comprehend what happened. I just knew within ten seconds which I was just guessing because I was not counting, the policemen were all on the ground. All six, one looking dead and the others tased. That instrument must be a taser, it electrified someone and made their body shake like they were having a terrible seizure. I knew one was dead because he was the only one not shaking, the one I had gone to, who should be someone’s father. There was no time to assimilate everything because my body had a mind of his own. I was running, running without knowing where I was running to. It was a waste of energy and adrenaline because he was on me in less than three seconds. My screams were cut off by a gag. Did people not notice something wrong was happening in the street? The police officers where still on the ground when he dragged me to a secluded area behind an uncompleted building. Just like the last time, he pushed my body to the wall and brought out my phone. I tried to fight him but he was strong, I could not talk because of the gag in my mouth. He kept my phone back and removed his hand without lingering but he did not release me, instead he pushed me to the wall with his body, enveloping me with his powerful male scent, I had no idea where the thought came from, but there was a scent to his body, I had no idea if it was common to every male. Like I had said, he was the closest I had ever been to a male. I was trapped, unable to even wriggle my body, unable to scream or do anything.