oppressed feelings | jikook

eleven

Knowing Jimin was with someone else as Jungkook laid in his own bed frustrated him to say the least.

He couldn't fall asleep because of a constant uneasiness and agitation nagging at him in his stomach.

Though, he must have fallen asleep at some point because he woke up the next day to the sound of his alarm going off on his night table beside his bed.

-

Having known Jimin for so many years, Jungkook could tell he had gotten quite a bit of drinks the night before. His tired reddish eyes and his constant yawns the morning after, he would be oblivious to not know what had probably went down.

Of course Jungkook knew that Jimin had done things before, he was a grown up man.

But now. It was just the tad bit more hurtful because it was so obvious and in your face like he wouldn't know.

But then again, who was Jungkook to tell Jimin what to do? Who was he to feel like Jimin was obligated to not see other people?

It wasn't like they were in a relationship, or anything like that.

The worst part of it all. Jimin seemed so genuinely happy. It was like he was glowing, radiating positive energy that just didn't reach Jungkook today. Jimin even grinned widely as they were sat in a meeting with some of their managers, keeping track of their economy and what not. Jungkook honestly never really paid attention. Like usual, his eyes were mostly on Jimin who was sitting quiet across the table.

All of them kept discussing something that Jungkook couldn't wrap his head around right now.

Jungkook had his hands laid folded in his lap, nodding whenever it was necessary and forced a smile, again, whenever it was expected of him. Just like so many other things.

And when Jimin and Jungkook were sat in a car together after multiple hours of boring work stuff, they were quiet and awkward. Jimin kept glancing over at Jungkook who simply looked out of the window, at the night life passing by them.

Jimin didn't know what to say to Jungkook, Jungkook had been ignoring him all day. He had avoided Jimin whenever  he'd tried to talk to him, to ask what was wrong, or what he had done wrong to receive the silent treatment that he couldn't stand.

He couldn't stand the thought of Jungkook being angry or upset with him. Seeing him like that was even hurting more than the initial 'argument'.

Jimin knew Jungkook too well, he could read him so easily that it was scary.

Jimin had almost always known how Jungkook had felt about him, it had been so obvious since it started. So obvious that Jimin had needed to take a step backwards for them to not go into something unprepared. And unaware of the consequences they could cause for all of them.

Jimin would've been stupid to not notice how Jungkook looked at him, how his body always seemed to tense just a bit up whenever he would touch him. It was almost amusing to him how much his presence alone could affect Jungkook.

But after Jungkook's signs had gotten more and more obvious, Jimin had to take a step back. Because he knew what would happen, and he knew he wouldn't be able to resist or hold back if he didn't do it before it happened.

Jungkook was in fact the most endearing person he'd ever met.

"Jungkook?" Jimin whispered watching the driver in front of Jungkook's seat.

"I don't feel like talking," Jungkook said turning his back to Jimin even more. And he shook his hand when Jimin tried to take it into his own, "leave me alone."

As they passed by the gates to the apartment building, and make their way to the elevator inside the building Jungkook didn't say anything. His arms were crossed and his head high. And when he walked through the door he didn't spare Jimin a single glance.

"Jungkook I thought you wanted to talk..." Jimin quietly said following Jungkook to his room.

"You were the one who didn't want to yesterday, so why is it that you get to choose when we talk and when he don't?"

"It wasn't that I didn't want to, I just didn't have time."

"Yeah, you were just busy doing some other guy," Jungkook took his hands up in defence sarcastically, "but now, that isn't any of time business, is it?"

"Jungkook I don't understand why it's such a big problem. And no-"

"Why it's such a big problem? Jimin you're confusing me! Two days ago you were touching me, and then the next day you sleep with someone? How does that make sense?"

"You were the one who pushed me away."

"Yes because I don't want to throw myself into something when I know you don't feel the same!" Jungkook breathed heavily after particularly yelling at Jimin. "Can't you see how confused you make me?"

"Please just tell me whether you like me or not! It's not that hard Jimin."

Jungkook's chest was heaving up and down.

"It is Jungkook," Jimin's voice was still somewhat soft, and he brought his hands up to fix the collar of Jungkook's collar, "it's not so easy for us."

"Fine, whatever, just leave alone and don't touch me, geez!" Jungkook pushed Jimin's hands off of him and walked past him, instead of going into his room he went to one of the bathrooms.

And left Jimin there dumbfounded and even more so confused.

Why was it that Jungkook didn't want him to touch him, when he was in love with him? How did that make any sense at all.

Jimin was expecting him to be all ears about it, just like he usually was.

One moment Jungkook would talk to him so softly and would be so thoughtful, and the next moment he would be yelling and crying and doing things he never did.

Jimin repeatedly tried to make things okay, but always seemed to mess up. He always seemed to do something that would upset Jungkook.

Why could he not just make up his mind and stand up for what he wanted and for what he believed in? Just for once forget about the outside world.

Jungkook was hurt. He kept hurting him just because he was confused and scared himself.

Terrified.

But what were they supposed to do?

Should they or should they not?

He had the option to be with Jungkook, he had the option to be with Jungkook. Now what was holding him back? Was it fear? Was it really utter fear that was holding him back?

Others opinion shouldn't matter right?

But how could he explain something that was associating with so much taboo and hatred?