falling like rain / jack harries fanfic

xv

noelle } nov. 26th } 704 days before

i threw my phone across my bed after hearing it ring for the 4th time this morning and the 14th time in the past 2 days. i don't even want to check who it is, because it's always going to be jack.

i don't even know what he has say to me. i don't know if 'i'm sorry' is really going to cut it. i don't know what will cut it-- i'm too mad him to hear anything he has to say.

i just don't really understand. i don't understand why he made me feel so special when his mind was still revolving around annie. why would he just waste his energy on me? why would i waste my energy on him?

i picked my phone up from across my bed and opened it to all 14 missed calls. i clicked on one voicemail from 2 nights ago and held my breath.

it's jack... again. hey, um.. so i'm just calling again to say sorry once again, and that it'd be great if we can meet for coffee or something to talk things out, i dunno maybe-

i clicked on a more recent one from this morning.

noelle, listen. please just text, call - anything to let me know that you're ok. i know how stupid i am, and i don't really know any other words to describe what i did... i really don't know what went through my head, noelle, i really don't. all i know now is that i don't want to lose you, ok?

just as i was about to click on another my phone starting ringing. without thinking, i answered it.

"noelle?" jacks groggy voice asked.

"um, yeah-"

"I um-wow, well... noelle, um.. hey,"

"hey."

there was a pause, like jack or i had no idea what to after that.

"hey, um... should we meet somewhere to talk things out? you know, besides the phone?"

half of me was screaming to say yes. i mean, he's apologizing. he ovbiously understands what he's done, and he feels like crap. forgive and forget, right?

well, forgive and forget about dating someone a month after a long relationship and then kissing his fricking ex- girlfriend? i don't really think it'd be morally right for anyone to let this be forgetton within a coffee date. i have to say no. we're over.

my mind was spinning between my two options. "sure jack, that'd be perfect." "i don't think we can work anymore, sorry."

"noelle? are you still there?" his voice immediately rose with concern.

"um.. yeah, hey.. i dunno if we can really..." i sputtered out.

"if we can do what?"

"if we can really work out... i just think, i mean.. it would just feel...weird for me. we can still be friends, i mean, if it works- "

there was silence at the end of the line.

"jack?"

"yeah, um... " he stuttered. "friends. yeah."

my heart sank at the idea of being 'friends', but i couldn't be in a relationship with someone who still loved someone else. no one could.

"... is that ok with you?"

"yeah, friends, of course it works." he chuckled. "yeah, we can just be... friends."

"sorry, jack, i just..." should i really be the one saying sorry?

"no, no, i get it, it's really fine."

"just give me some time, ok? i need like a week and a half or something, just to think about things, then we can meet. would that be ok?"

"yeah, that sounds ... fantastic, really. yeah, a week and a half. perfect." he voice immediately sounded more enthusiastic.

"thanks for everything, jack."

"yeah, i really... will miss you."

"well, um..bye."

i hung up the phone.

did I just break up with him over the phone? i didn't even plan on being friends, it just ... came out. but it seems ok. perfectly ok, really. friends.

dammit, i should've just met him for coffee to talk about it instead of telling him to be friends over the god damned phone. sure, he messed up, but that doesn't mean you can't talk face to face about it. well, who feels stupid now?

jack }

friends. noelle and i are 'friends' all because of my stupidity. all because my memories of the past took over my mind at a single moment.

friends? what's that even supposed to mean? what am i supposed to do with her? we'd go out for coffee and all i'd do is watch her face light up when she laughs, or how her big brown eyes get wide with wonder when you tell her things. i'd see her in the office and only smile and nod as she passes by knowing that's all i could do. i'd watch her lips when she'd smile and only dream about kissing them again. it would drive me insane just being friends.

i slammed my phone down on my bed and rolled my hands through my hair. i'm so stupid, stupid, stupid. why do i have to be so stupid? i find someone who i nearly fall in love with and bang-- the sight of annie makes me forget all about it. and then ruins it.

so now the person who i was falling in love with is just my friend.

noelle } dec. 1st } 699 days before

the 4 days since i finally called jack have been oddly ... refreshing. knowing that we're friends is a sort of comfortable relationship for me.

even if we're friends, i still have prayed every morning that i wouldn't see him on the way to the office. it would only lead to awkward hi's and goodbye's.

i groaned and got back into my bed and pulled the comforter around my body. i opened my tumblr and finally decided how my first free in a long time was going to be.

//

{ i hope your christmases were very jolly & fun-- mine was actually really nice, even though i ate way too much chocolate and missed the doctor who special,,,, thanks 4 reading & staying w/ this odd story - ak }