Inheritance

Part 2. Chapter Sixty-Two: Worry

But there was a particular illustration of her—an illustration of her in a low-cut dress with her legs exposed—that he found his mind turning to relentlessly.

His eyes were drawn to her chest, or, as he had eventually learned to call them on his own from the books he read, breasts. They gave him that same, funny, fuzzy feeling in his stomach, but there was an accompanying feeling that he didn't like as well. A perverse feeling from between his legs. He found those feelings only occurred when he looked at Pollyanna, regardless of whether the illustrations depicted her as more feminine or more masculine, and no other illustrated women.

Her age enticed him, as did her muscles and skin color.

He found that he didn't know what to do with those feelings, and that he wanted to ask Kori what he should do with them, but he didn't want to get into trouble. He feared that his feelings were inappropriate—that they were evil things that only he thought due to his heritage--and that Kori would cut her visits short if he asked her about them.

So he pined after Pollyanna secretly, which made her all-the-more desirable to him. She was his only window into deep desires that he previously had no experience with. His wants were previously so surface-level and bland; he was glad to feel something so deep and profound.

She reminded him of the eldest of the fairy goddesses—the gray-haired, powerful, and most compassionate of them. A strong, worn woman who could protect the mortals she loved.

And as he gazed at his empty sheets, he felt a sting of resentment toward Kori for letting him suffer alone for so many years with feelings he didn't understand.

He had to accept that Taylor was right. I don't know what to do with a naked woman...

Innately, he knew how to be intimate with her, but he didn't know how to please her. He didn't know how he would feel about it afterward, either—even if he could sleep with her, which he couldn't. But the curiosity and the possible pleasure of it drove him to exasperated frustration.

There was always Maruka, who he found himself attracted to as well. It wasn't a physical thing he found attractive about him, however. It was his kindness. The fact that he was a man bothered Eory. It feels wrong being attracted to someone I can't have children with.

He knew he couldn't get back to sleep unless he took a walk; his worries and frustrations would keep him awake.

The dark halls weren't scaring him as much as they did earlier, which he was glad of. They were shadowy, but he heard no evil creatures chittering at him from them.

He had so many real worries on his mind that he had no reason to conjure monsters.

His large ears could pick up the whispers in the hallways so easily during the day. The other recruits whispered about the Arrozan family. They were hated even among criminals, and many of them would jump at the chance to finish of the last of his family line.

Those were just the beginnings of his worries.

He worried about joining the other recruits on the battlefield every moment that he drew breath. He was so inexperienced in everything he did, let alone fighting, that he knew he would be killed if he didn't train harder with the bow.

His shoulders felt incredibly sore and heavy, his feet hurt from him clenching his toes too much while he was trying to sleep.

His mind flitted to every little thing that bothered him, not just important things.

His heart skipped a beat everytime someone he didn't know talked to him. For whatever reason, that was one of the biggest worries on his mind. It was one of the reasons why being torn from Kori was so difficult for him.