Love and Loss

2. Never Let Go

11:46 am
Atlanta, GA
Deija

Tears streamed down my face as I stared up at the ceiling that blurred slightly through my teary eyes.

I felt numb.

Nurses came and past, all whooshing around me, with different agendas. At some point in the last fifteen minutes a nurse undressed me, put me in a hospital gown and transferred me to a fresh ER.

A different nurse gathered my hair into a cotton cap, while another hung a blue sheet in front of me so I couldn't see my belly.

I was lost.

All of a sudden the doors opened and different set of nurses rushed in, dressed like me in a blue cap, with matching gloves. Except one of the nurses wasn't a nurse. No, he was the caramel skinned man I loved.

"Cam!" I yelled, my arms reaching out for him.

He immediately ran to where I was laid out on a surgical bed.

"Baby. I'm here." He grabbed my hands placing kisses all over my forehead. "I'm here."

"Cam, I'm scared. Somethings wrong." I croaked, looking into his red eyes that brimmed with tears. "They are saying I lost the baby. That I can't deliver it, that they have to do a C-section. I just don't understand, everything was fine. Everything was fine. I don't know what happened. What did I do? I don't know what I did, Cam, I don't know what I did-"

"Shh." He leaned foward, pressing our foreheads together. He gripped my hand tighter, letting me know he was right here with me. "She's stillborn. That's what they told me." He breathed in a shaky breath, looking me directly in my eyes. "You didn't do anything wrong baby. None of this was your fault."

"I-I can't lose her." I sobbed. My heart ached. "I can't- I can't. Cam, I don't know what to do."

"It's okay, Deij, calm down. Please calm down." He spoke softly, kissing my forehead. I felt a drop on my skin, and when he pulled away, I knew it was his tears. How did I do this? How could I have caused him so much pain? "I'm here baby. We're gonna get through this together okay? I love you."

"I-"

We were cut off by the same red-haired surgeon walking to my side. She was dressed in her full protective gear, gloves on her hands, a blue cap on her head.

"Everything is ready. The procedure is about to start." She smiled solemnly at the both of us, before placing a hand on my shoulder. "This will be hard. But you will get through it."

More tears slipped down my face as the reality of what was about to happen, set in. She returned back to her spot over my body, but behind the curtain—the part that was hidden from me.

"You all ready?" She asked, nurses surrounding me.

I looked over at an equally heartbroken Cameron. Both of our eyes, flooded with tears and emotions we never thought we'd feel.

I intertwined our fingers, gripping them tightly as I looked deep into his chocolate eyes.

"Never let go, okay?" I croaked, my heart breaking.