Love and Loss

42. Eat My Ass

10:56 am
Chicago, IL
Cameron

"Babe, it's fine. Come sit down." I chuckled a little, watching Deija scrub at a spot on my brothers grave incessantly.

"I just want it to be spotless-okay, it's good." She smiled in satisfaction, finally sitting next to me with her legs crossed, tossing the wet rag to the side. "Happy birthday Omari! Your brother is fussin' at me, but they had you up here lookin dusty and I couldn't have that." She chuckled. "I wish I could've met you and I'm so sorry this world was so cruel to you so young. You deserved to be here right now, bringing in your twenty first properly. But best believe your family is going to turn up for you. Shit, I'mma turn up for you. So happy birthday again, Omari. I love your brother and your family so that includes you too."

When she was done, she looked over at me a soft smile gracing her face. She placed her hand in mine, interlocking our fingers together before giving it a squeeze. I looked back at his grave, feeling the familiar weight on my chest only getting heavier and heavier, but her presence was the only thing keeping me afloat.

"Happy birthday, bro. I brought my girl with me this year, who you just heard from. She's perfect man. I know if you were here you'd be tryna steal her from me." I chuckled, while Deija just shook her head. "We miss you man. I miss you. They say it gets easier as time goes on, but to me it just feels worse. Because as the years go on, I just find more things I wish you were here to be apart of with me. I wish you could meet Deija. I wish you could sit court-side at my games, cheering me on. I wish we could go on trips together and when I finally decide to propose to this one," I lifted our hands that sat on my lap, and pressed a soft kiss to the back of her hand. "I wish I could come to you first and show you the ring. It kills me that you'll never be able to be best man at my wedding or see my kids when they're born. There's just so much I wish I could've done with you, kid. But I know that where you are there is no pain, no evil, no guns senselessly killing kids in the streets. You're at peace, watching over our baby girl and I can't help but be grateful that Kya has someone up there with her, so she's not alone. I know you and baby girl up there havin' a ball."

Deija moved closer to me, leaning her head against my shoulder as we sat in silence for a few minutes, clouded by our own thoughts.

"I brought some henny for you." I grabbed the bottle from beside me, popping it open as Deija grabbed the shot cups. "She wanted to bring you casa but I told her ass nah my nigga need a real drink." I chuckled.

"Casa is a real drink, Cam, don't play with me." Deija rolled her eyes, handing me a blue shot cup and keeping a pink one for herself.

I poured both of us a shot, before pouring a little on the grass in front of his grave.

"Happy birthday, bruh. I love you."

"Happy 21st." Deija said as she hit her shot cup with mine before we both threw the shots back. Deija instantly scrunched her face up. "That shit is fucking disgusting."

"You gone take another shot with me, though."

"You right. Pour me up." She cheesed holding up her shot cup, making me laugh. "Shot o'clock!"

*********

"Cam," I heard a soft voice in my ear, followed my gentle rubs on my forehead, waking me from my sleep. "Babe, wake up."

I cracked one eye open, with a groan. "No."

Deija chuckled, "Cam. You need to eat papa."

"I'm fine. Come lay with me."

"Cam," she sighed.

"Please?" I faked a small pout. "Pretty please?"

Deija shook her head at me but got into the bed nevertheless, "You're a big baby you know that?" She laughed as I immediately cuddled up to her side, wrapping my arms around her waist and resting my head on her chest. "A big ass, muscular ass baby."