The Loneliest Stars || EDITING

Chapter 38

"My family will be black regardless, because, get this...I'm black."

Ashley rolled his eyes at her like she often did and she wondered if she was as annoying as he was when she did it.

"Here," Natalia said haughtily, still annoyed by his remarks. They were exchanging presents a day early because her brother was still insisting on going to Jamaica in the morning.

"Aww, you shouldn't have," he said sarcastically, eyeing the package.

Natalia watched him open it. First confusion taking over his face, then surprise and then finally disbelief. It was a notebook, a diary that her twin had kept the first year he had gotten into a professional football team in the premiership. He was about 17, and all his dreams had been coming true.

"It's for you, you should have it."

"Nat..."

"I mean, what do I know about football, right? I'm sure you'll appreciate it more."

It wasn't easy parting with it but it was time to let it go. It was time to share some parts of her twin's memory with the rest of her family.

Her brother hugged her and she could feel how much it meant to him through his embrace. Was this growth? A few months ago she wouldn't even consider being in the same room as her brother, let alone gifting her most precious keepsake from her twin to him.

"What kind of life are you living Nat? You don't even have a Christmas tree?"

"I know, I just got used to not having one. I lived in the Middle East for so long. I'm kind of still getting used to Western life."

"You're still Christian, right?"

"Yes, you idiot. At least culturally. I'm not really sure what I think about God anymore."

"Mhmm..." he said before changing the subject to a lighter one. "What are we going to do about Christmas dinner?"

"You have a one-track mind, do you know that?"

"This is the only time I've had off all year, excuse me for wanting to be eating good."

"Sorry, I actually didn't think you'd be here. I was going to go round my friend's house for dinner."

Ashley sighed sadly. "That's on me, sis. I promise that I'm going to be here for you."

Natalia gave him a watery smile. "And I promise that I won't run."

"That's good, cos you'll be seeing a lot more of me. I'm finalising opening a US office next quarter."

Natalia knew that of course, she kept up with her brother's company but she feigned surprise. "Wow, that's amazing. I'm so proud of you, Ash."

He flashed her a bright smile that reminded her of her own face. It was nice to have reminders like that again.

"Do you still cook or do you have people for that?" Natalia teased. Her brother blushed, looking away.

He was so sensitive about his success. He was too humble. She wondered how he had ever survived at Oxford. That type of humbleness didn't go down too well with the monied elites, especially coming from their background. Born to a single mother NHS nurse in a council estate. It didn't get more humble than that.

"Just because I don't cook often doesn't mean you can cook better than me. I'm a Jamaican man after all."

Natalia raised an eyebrow at his challenge. "Okay, let's go. I want to see what you've got."

They cooked and ate far too much food for just two people. After eating they sat around watching old reruns of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air well into the night. It felt a little bit like old times. If Natalia closed her eyes, she could imagine Nick there with them, taking her side in arguments and battles. It felt like how Christmas should have felt like all these years.

Natalia made up the guest room for her brother as he took a shower. She guessed that he might be tired and wanted to knock out for the night. He was going to have an early start tomorrow.

Natalia sat in the living room considering her untouched glass of wine. She loved wine, when it came to wine, you could slap her arse and call her 'Becky.' She loved wine as much as a middle class white woman. But the mere smell of the fermented grape was bothering her and making her want to hurl. Something nagged at her but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

She stared at her phone. Willing it to ring and assuage her fears. She stared at it for so long that when it rang, it made her jump in the air before she answered it. Has she manifested her phone to ring? Or was she losing her mind.

"Ty! You're okay!" Her happiness was short-lived when she heard the next part of his sentence.

She felt like she was underwater.

She couldn't breathe.

Ty's garbled voice sounded so foreign and so far away.

When Ashley came and pried the iPhone from her stiff fingers she sank to the wooden floor, cradling her legs into her chest.

She watched his facial expression. Neutral and Adult like. He knew what he was doing. He would know what to do next.

"You can't leave me," she said once he had ended the call. "I don't know what I'm doing. I can't do this alone. I'm — "

"I'm not going anywhere," Her brother reassured her. "I've got you, Nat."

She let herself cry on his shoulder before gathering herself.

"Do you want to know what happened?"

She nodded "Give it to me straight."

"He's got a gunshot wound to the shoulder, it missed vital blood vessels but they're fixing the damage the bullet did in surgery right now. He hit his head pretty badly so the next few hours post-surgery will be vital. They'll be moving him to the States when he wakes up."

She breathed out the hot carbon air she had been holding.

He was ok.

"I'm glad you're here with me." She meant it. She wasn't in the right frame of mind to be dealing with medical terminology. But her brother knew what everything meant.

He squeezed her hand. "Why don't you get some sleep. I'll wake you up when there's an update." He produced some pills from his pocket.

She didn't want to know why her brother had a pocketful full of benzos so readily available. She took the proffered drugs and washed it down with some juice.

"Okay." Her legs shook as she went up the stairs to her bedroom. She lied down on her bed fully clothed, not moving an inch from her ramrod straight position.

Maybe if she didn't move and if she didn't make a singular sound, everything would be okay again.

-———————————-

So...the good news is that Gabe's okay.
Also don't mix alcohol and benzos.
Thank you all again for all comments and votes. Some of the comments kill me and remind me that Black women are the best audience to write for <3