Once Upon A Blue Moon

Lost 3

Song to this chapter;
Runaway by AURORA

Lainas POV;

How did this happen? How did I let this happen?

I just lost everything. How did I just lose it all?  19 years of keeping to myself. Only for my privacy to be invaded in the worst way imaginable.

What's the purpose of my life?

His words keep replaying in my head.
Every dirty word. Every single touch... Every injury gotten. They all begin to replay in my mind...

Why me? I remember the first few days I met him. I often caught him staring at me. When he played truth or dare with his friends and he was dared to kiss me, and I walked away in disgust when he tried to do it. When he came too close to me at one of Luca's birthday parties.

When he fell on me in public, when he left a val gift in my room, when he groped me at a school program and called it an accident after apologizing. When he came into the girls' dressing room while I was changing, when I saw cards in my locker and at the end 'M&L' was written...

How did I not connect the dots? How didn't I see this coming?  How could Luca not see all this? He was too busy pretending to hate me to notice. How did it all come to this?

My life... My pride... My strength... My zeal... Everything... All gone.

I often enjoyed being called a retard and being isolated because I never felt insecure. I felt everyone else couldn't go beyond the line I drew for them. I thought my association and level of closeness with people were fully dependent on me.

I thought my world would run on my rules forever... But today... The boundaries a family member would never dare to cross were overstepped by a mere outsider...

Hot tears flow down my face. I feel them flow down my face unto my hood. My face is burning. Some parts stinging, some parts bleeding. My hands hurt too. My already wounded wrist is in worse shape. A few days ago it had been bandaged and I was told I may not be able to use my wrist for more than a month.

Marcus had tied that same wrist behind me and I had rested my whole body weight on my hands. Parts of my hands are in pain from the burns and the sweat running over them.

My legs... They no longer seem to be able to carry my weight... My legs feel like strangers to the rest of my body. I can't even bring them close enough. My... My... I'm hurting down there... I'm bleeding... It feels like it's on fire...

My vision is partly blur... That migraine that takes over my head whenever I meet Marcus... Has taken over again...

The whole day replays in my head. My worried mother, my worried but strong father, I running over an hour to Marcus's house thinking I was running to save my brother...Whereas  I was running into a trap... Towards my... My doom...

That voice in my head as I walked up that porch... That voice in my head,  begging me to turn back, and how it now sings I told you so.

That butler, Walking into that room full of pictures, waiting one hour away idly when I should have fled for my dear life, walking past the door towards the stairs leading to my damnation... Instead of running through the door... To supposed safety.

I remember Ignoring the voice begging me to return home to my worried mother and not to progress with my mission. I remember standing in front of the door of his room. The color, smell, temperature, arrangement, and look of that room.

I remember running towards that dummy, thinking it was my helpless brother.

I..Ii remember his hands under my shirt. His lips on my body... Every touch, every word, every lyric to that song, every action, and reaction... Every expression, every detailed pain, and emotion...

I stumble over a stone on the road, causing me to almost fall and this sudden jolt brings my senses to the realization of how slow I've been moving.

My mind wanders back to a few hours ago. How fast my heart was racing and how much my system was malfunctioning.

A thick and strong bitter taste rests on my tongue.

The cold Brooke Hills breeze takes over the night. Blowing mercilessly as it cools off some of the pain on my face.

I watch the trees dance in the wind and the moon plays hide and seek with people like me who are still looking at it. Hiding behind the tree branches and leaves.

I always feel serene and at peace when looking at the moon but tonight... Looking at it just purely outlines the difference between who I used to be and what I currently am.

Like soothing kisses, the rain droplets rest on my skin, and not long after, the rain begins to pour. The pregnant clouds decided the time to deliver their bottled-up tears was when my heart had no strength left to cry anymore.

I feel the rain flow over my body and I wish it could flow through me. Flow through me and wash off the dirt and memories of this horrid night.

My legs hardly leave the floor as I walk ghost-like towards home. What used to be my safe haven.

What's the use of staying strong? I have kept a lot to myself for the past 19 years of my life. Hardly shedding a single tear... But now... Now... My life... My life has no meaning... None at all.

I feel like filth.

Tears I never knew I am still capable of producing begin to flow down my face and mix with the rainwater that has long taken over every dry part of my body. I watch as the blood on my trouser flows over it and makes my trouser change from blue to light red.

My tears aren't enough to express my pain. I dig my nails into my skin. I hate myself. I wish I could run away from myself... But I can't... I dig my nails deeper into my upper arm and blood begins to run through the cuts I've inflicted on myself.

I find it hard to breathe, walk, think, cry, and harder to find a reason to live.

My life is worthless. How would I ever walk in front of Marcus again? Knowing fully well that he has ridiculed me beyond imagination? Knowing full well that he has destroyed my life.

How would I live? This is pretty much going to be my last day on earth. Why did you do this to me, Marcus?? Why??

I scream as I fall to my knees, trying to let out the pain my tears are failing to let out. Why me Marcus?? Why me!? Of all people, I was the one you chose to kill!

You killed me, Marcus!  I'm just the moving corpse you've Made me...