Not His Fan Girl Anymore

Special Chapter

No matter how I think about it. No matter how I try to make sense out of all these tragedies that came to me, I will never understand any of it. Do the heavens just gave you suffering or is it just me? I beg for it to help me understand.

Juvia will heal. She will survive the hit. I know that. But the impact of what we talk about before the accident. How she ran away that easily and how she will be gone from me...I don't deserve this. I don't deserve her.

I was with her during the days she was asleep. The doctor said she's fine and recovering. I'm glad with that yet I still feel burden.

I had to lose her so I couldn't lose her.

She was crying on the day she confessed how hurt she was with our situation. I am such a coward to use her for my own desire. I couldn't even think of her. All I know is I like the warmth she gave me. I like the heaven that she gave me.

I couldn't give her what she wanted. In my head, she will only suffer with me. I don't deserve happiness as it will be taken away soon from me. So I am fine with the desire. I am fine with lust. I will never have to lose anything if I am detached. I was wrong.

"Gray-sama..." Her sweet, cute voice called me. "I made you breakfast."

I smiled as I see her in the doorway of my room. She's still wearing my black shirt. I got out of the bed and walked up to her. She stood still, smiling and waiting for me.

When I reached out to her, I tasted her lips like it was the best food I ever had. I sucked on her lips. I heard her moans. She clung up to my neck and I held her waist.

I let go for a moment so we could breathe. I could see her eyes still hung up with our kiss. I smirked and guided her to my bed.

"Gray-sama! The breakfast!" She shrieked but laughed when I tickled her. "No!"

"Let's have breakfast here!" I said on top of her and started kissing her neck.

"What the fuck, Gray?!" I looked up from the ground only to see Lyon. I cursed as he opened the lights in the kitchen. "What are you doing here?"

"This is my house, too." I said as I picked up the glass and a bottle of whatever is here in Ur's kitchen.

"This is Ur's house! Have some respect! Are you fucking drunk?" He glared at me for a long time. "What's the problem, Gray?" I didn't reply. He sighed and took a glass from the shelf. He took the bottle from me and sat on the floor, a few meters far from me.

"What happened to Ur is an accident, Gray. It was never your fault." Lyon said as he gulped down his drink.

I still didn't answer. I didn't even look at him. "What happened to your parents isn't your fault as well." He said. "To Juvia..."

I glared at him. He raised his hand in defeat. "You didn't push Juvia. She was hit by a car. Your parents died protecting you from terrorists. Ur died because a thief killed her. None of these was your fault!"

"But why does it have to be me, Lyon?" I calmly asked. "I never wish for anything like that!"

"Nobody wants that as well, Gray." He answered.