PR? (Camila/You)

chapter thirty-four

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We sat at the small table as I placed a tray with our food down. "If I had friends around to talk to I would."

"Well, ouch." Lauren gasped, placing her hand on her heart. "And here I thought we had a budding friendship."

I laughed at her antics. "You know what I meant. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I know you were writing about her today and I don't know..."

"Y/N, relax. It's important to be able to talk about what's going on in your life. Especially when it's affecting you like it is." She told me, opening up her box of chicken nuggets. "Besides, I can give a pretty good insight on what's going on with Camila, too." She joked.

"Yeah, you're right." I nodded, taking a sip of my drink. "Well, we recently got into a fight because her team put a picture of my eyes in the song booklet for her album. She got really defensive over it which, you know, offended me. I mean, her face is on one of my songs and a picture of her is on my album. It was a dumb fight but now here we are, a little over a week later, and we've barely spoken. I guess it doesn't help that I told her I was doing this song with you mid-fight."

"Wow," Lauren said. "Well, first of all, why was she so upset?" I just looked at her. "Ah, it wasn't written for you...I see. Alright, let me ask you this, did you do this song with me to spite her?"

I nodded slightly. "I've been doing that a lot lately. Doing things to spite her." Lauren looked at me, waiting for me to elaborate. "In the beginning of our relationship, she found out I was smoking weed and confronted me. So I got upset and called her something horrible." I cringed at the memory. "After that was the whole...thing. When you were all at Dinah's."

"Camila hasn't always had a problem with weed. It's my fault she's so against it now. You getting upset probably didn't help her opinion on it." She pointed out. "And, about that night, I don't know the full story. Just that you...yeah."

"I was so sure that she was going to hook up with...well, you. And I went out to get drunk and some girl came onto me. I let it happen. Hell, I initiated it. I wanted to get back at her for cheating when she hadn't even done anything." I confessed.

"Can I ask something?" I nodded. "Were both these things due to me?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "It's just...we're on a break, trying to work on ourselves and being honest, like communicating and shit, and she won't be honest about her feelings for you."

"Has it occurred to you that maybe she is? And you're searching for a reason not to trust her?" I looked down, thinking. "I mean, everything that has happened, kinda comes with you lashing out over something you think is happening or has happened."

"Shit..." I breathed out. "This whole time, I've been trying to get her to be honest but in reality I'm just trying to get her to admit something that's not even true."

"I mean, it could be. But Camila is usually pretty straight forward with stuff once confronted. Sometimes, well most of the time, even before she's confronted. It's like the guilt is too much for her." Lauren said. "I think you need to talk to her, like really talk to her. And address your need for immediate revenge. I'm not a psychiatrist, but is it possible that there's something in your past that you want to get revenge on? And you never did so now you try and beat it to the punch?"

"How did you...yeah, there is. I never thought of that..." I was in awe. Everything she was saying was so true. As a kid, I always wanted revenge for what my father did to me. I know I'll never get that chance. It just makes sense that I'd try and get revenge right away now. "I need to get home."

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"Camila?" I called out as I walked into my house.

"In here." She answered from the living room. I walked in, finding her with a book in her lap. "How'd it go?" She asked without looking up from her book.

"Uh, good." I sat beside her. "Can we talk?" Camila nodded, her eyes trained on the pages. "Like, actually talk? Please?"

She looked up, closing her book and placing it on the coffee table. "What is it?"

I released a large breath, running my hand down my face. "I don't like fighting with you. I just...I'm only asking you this one more time. I want you to be honest and I'll believe you." I paused as Camila nodded. "Do you have feelings for Lauren?"

She sighed, turning to face me. "After what you said the other night, I've been thinking. I've thought about Lauren in different scenarios and I've realized..." She took a deep breath. "All my feelings for her are attached to memories. I can't...picture her in my future. I've tried and I can't. All I see is you. And I only tried because I wanted to know how I really felt." She pointed out before I could butt in. "She was a big part of my life. Of who I am. But she's not in my future. You're the biggest part of my life right now and of who I am today."

"You have a way with words, Cabello." I smiled.

"Well, it's my job so..." She shrugged. "I'm serious though."

"I know. And I'm sorry I didn't believe you before." She nodded. "Actually, I wanted to talk about something else too. I was, uh, talking to Lauren and she helped me realize that I'm just looking for a reason to not trust you. It's hard to trust people. I'm so used to people turning on me that, at this point, I try and find it before it hurts me."

"Y/N...I just want you to trust that I would never hurt you on purpose. Ever." Camila told me.

"I know. And I'm sorry for always jumping to hurt you before you hurt me. I think...it comes back to my dad. I always wished I could hurt him like he hurt me. Not physically, but ya know." I toyed with my fingers, looking away from her. "I rush to hurt you, to get back at you, before I get hurt and lose the chance to get back at you. I know I need to work on that because I just end up hurting you, hurting us. And I hate that I do that. Because I don't like hurting you."

Camila took a deep breath. "Look at me." She spoke softly, causing me to obey. "I know you don't want to hurt me. Not really." She placed her hand on my cheek. "I understand that you've been through a lot. I want to help you work through that. In anyway I can." I smiled at her, covering her hand with my own. "Can I break one of the rules?" She whispered, her face suddenly closer to mine than I remember.

"It's your rule to break." I whispered back. Her lips met mine in a slow kiss. I immediately melted into it, sighing as our lips molded together like they hadn't for so long.

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(a/n): :) a lauren and y/n friendship 😈

a lot was kinda brought to light here. i think it's important that camila came to the conclusion that her feelings are all attached to memories.
ik some of you will think she's lying or smth bc lauren was her 'first love'. ik it's different for everyone but, personally, this is accurate to my own life. to what i've experienced/ am experiencing.
it's important to know everyone is different so don't be so quick to call her out (but you're entitled to your opinions and the comments are funny so pop off)

also, the last hint won't come out for a bit so imma keep that as the running one for now.

don't forget to vote
thanks for reading ❤️