a glass of apple cider eyes.

Detonating Sirens (8)

WHY WHY TELL THEM THAT IT"S HUMAN NATURE!!

WYY WYY does he do it that way?

...

i had a relapse today regarding my love of michael jackson (more specifically the song human nature) around about 6:00pm.

yes, i'm pathetic.

yes i'm a procrastinator

and yes i have a science fair proj/school applications to do,

but i think... well no i don't think.

kashmir towels (:

______________________________ 

Chapter Ocho

(Detonating Sirens)

I strummed a few lazy notes on my acoustic and got bored, setting it down and walking into the bathroom.  My hands frenetically tapped on the stone countertop. I looked in the mirror, my eyes red and blotchy from the uncontrollable bawling session I'd endured in the last hour or so. It was after he'd left, and the tears slipped from my controll, faster and faster. Unproductive I was within the last hour. Whatever i'd try to calm myself down failed miserably. I hated disappointing people, anyone. anything.

My borderline psycho egged me on. Seeming to enjoy this new unprevedented display of emotions. I threw the cotton tissue in the wastebin and shuddered. It felt good to cry. Weird. And unguarded, but liberating.

"You're not tough Sage, you put up this facade and you're not tough. At least not as much credit as you give yourself."

Those words stung at me like venomous bees. I'm not even allergic.

Why?

Seemingly a normal person wouldn't be that upset. So Why had I taken so much offense. Maybe because it was Izzy, the one dude who attempted; even subtly, to understand my make up. He'd given up, blown out. But What was Izzy getting at? I was too defiant, too stubborn for my own good?  too guarded?  Up until then, I hadnt even analyzed that exerpt for numerous reasons, and it was clearly the one that hurt the most. Izzy, my Izzy. Or what I needed him for. Which I wasnt sure. This overly nice neighbour who though Id pushed away casually and subconaciously actually cared for me and kept thrusting his goofy smile. He kept boomeranging to me ready for my "facade" since who knows how long..  I know I'm not the most friendly person. I. thought, letting the water run,

"Sage turn off that tap. " My mother's soothing voice.

I felt like a toddler ready to curl up and suck my thumb at the sound. Assuming she'd just come in, she didn't know the deal or maybe I'd been tuning everything out. How much had she heard? My cries? It wasn't a good feeling to consider appearing that weak... to anything, I shut the tap off after holding my toothbrush under it, and flipped of the light switch obscurring. My sudden ping of haplpessnes. I sighed and brushed intently in the dark ; while reducing my carbon footprint.

Spit

Rinse

I repeated the cycle with nothing better to do and couldn't help but to periodically

"Sniff."

I walked into my room looking at my bed. My nest. My eyes were barely open; puffy and swollen. I swallowed myself in my bed with Track 8 humming in my ear.

We'd have to practice someway, which I was dreading in the upcoming week for 2 main of many (some inexplicable) reasons.

First of all our other basisst. Izzy. By now, things had evolved to more than just awkward. Izzy's more of the laid back type, so him vocalizing,( and I mean like all up in my face,) his discernment was as far as awkward you could go for me without dying. I refrained from casually talking to anyone, even Kira. And she'd continue to give me those sideway glances through her straight brunmette locks, when we did encounter if in a group. We were drifting apart if ever actually close and I shrugged it off. Slowly I was realizing it was more my choosing. The thing that made me most nervous was that I wasn't sure if I could go right out and tell her everything, or even expect her to care. We were just people who hung out. I guess I never expected her to "understand" me.