The Love Code (BoyxBoy)

We Can Be Better

I know I had it bad, but I can't shake the feeling that Cody had it a lot worse. I never stood up to my father, not really anyway.

I just took the hits because I knew that at any moment they could've been thrown at my mother or my brother instead, and that's the last thing I wanted.

I fought back when I could, when I had the chance, but I never won.

But Cody...Cody's a fighter. He's stubborn and he doesn't back down.

I know he has probably stood off with my father toe to toe on several occasions.

And pain rings through my heart when I imagine just how many times my father must've knocked him down. How many times my mother must've offered him that useless apologetic smile and how many times he had to clean himself up. Wipe the blood from his bruised skin, and hope that anything or everything that had been broken could just as easily be snapped back into place.

Because god forbid it couldn't. God forbid you had to go to the doctor and have them call your parents after you sell them some bogus story of falling down the stairs.

And as your father slips the doctor a couple of hundreds to keep his mouth shut to social services you realize you're helpless, and as he grips your shoulder, dragging you out of the hospital with an iron grip you let it soak in that even if nothing had been broken before, something would be now.

He'd make sure of it.

I squeeze my eyes shut, pushing the staining memory from my mind, trying to convince myself that my brother never had to go through that, but I don't believe it.

I don't believe it, not even for a second.

He attempts to speak but I cut him off, far from being done saying what needs to be said.

What he needs to hear.

''I'm not going to be the shitty adult that makes you apologize for having a decent set of morals for me to uphold. You should expect the best from me. I want to be someone that you're proud to be associated with, to be related to. And I'm never going to silence you because I know how much you've been forced to hold in. You can speak your mind with me. You have that right, you always have.'' I inform him.

His emerald green eyes pierce into my light blue ones. I look at his hands as he relaxes them from the fists they were previously in.

''You're not capable of failing me in the way that they did,'' He speaks after a moment. ''And I'd never expect you to be, I'd never think that you could just so you know,'' He says seriously.

''You used to look at me sometimes like you thought it'd be the last time you'd ever see me,'' I say. I look at Sly lying beside me on the couch. I reach over, running my hand through his fur. ''You don't have to say it but I know you're still waiting for the other shoe to drop with Javier. You're waiting for him to up and leave us behind, taking all of his luxury with him.

''You're waiting for me to give up on you too. You're waiting on me to emotionally lock you out and psychically break you down. It's like you're at the bottom of a pool of water and you're holding your breath. Just tell me what it's going to take to get you to come up for air. And don't think for a second that I'm afraid of diving in after you.'' I tell him.

Cody laughs.

''You're gonna analogy your way into my mind?'' He asks, but the look of silent pain in his eyes is louder than his words.

''Don't deflect,'' I tell him.

''What do you want to hear me say Damien? That I blame you for leaving me in that house? Because I don't. I know it's not your fault. But I also know that it was a choice. And that hurts, it's always going to hurt. It's not like I wanted you to choose my life over yours but damn, did you not stop for a second to think about what would happen if you came out about your sexuality, did you even stop for a second to think about how it would affect me?'' He demands, and although his voice is harsh it's also filled with pain and I can tell that this is something that's been on his mind, that's been bothering him for a while.