adore you // [h.s]

21

"Why'd you leave me?" Her voice echoed through the quiet house. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes while she made her way over to the couch.

I'm sorry.

"Couldn't sleep." I gave her a short response.

I could barely look into her eyes right now. I let her down when she needed me most, I don't deserve her.

"I'm going to get breakfast." I announced as I pulled myself off the couch, "Do you want anything?" She furrowed her brows at me.

"Let me get ready and we can go together." She suggested as she started to pull herself off the couch.

"No." I snapped immediately. "I think it's best if I go by myself." She frowned as the words fell out of my mouth, she sank deeper into the couch.

I didn't say anything else before I left.

**

I kept myself at a distance today. Anytime she tried to cuddle me, I felt so much guilt. I don't think I can let myself love her, knowing that I can't protect her. I can't do that to her in good conscious, it would be selfish on my part. I think I made eye contact with her one time today, then everything inside felt broken.

I noticed that she was occupied watching movies with Mitch and Sarah, and I took that as my opportunity to slip out of the room. I made my way back to my room so I could be alone. I deserved to be alone.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on with you?" Audrey's voice filled the air as I walked into my room.

"Nothing, love." I pushed out yet another fake smile, praying it worked. "I'm okay." I lied to reassure her.

"I don't know if I've ever told you this," She paused while she crossed her arms across her chest, "but you're a shit liar, Styles!" I sighed as I rubbed my hands across my face.

"I've got a lot on my mind," I admitted to her. "I want to be alone right now."

"Don't do this to me again." She begged as she walked over to me, "Don't close yourself off because you're scared."

"I just can't do this anymore." I lied as I ran my fingers through my hair. She took a step away from me in shock.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me that." She demanded while she brought herself to her knees in front of me. "Look at me and tell me that you don't wanna be with me anymore."

I cant.

I brought my eyes to meet hers, then I broke. Everything inside me snapped. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as if the floodgates had just opened, I couldn't hold this in anymore.

"I-I-" I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't even begin to think straight.

"Breathe." She whispered as she held both of my hands inside of hers, "I got you." She kept a calm voice while she held my hands tight, "Slow down and talk to me."

"I-I can't p-" I started but I started crying even harder whenever I tried to be honest.

Audrey pulled herself off her knees. She walked into the bathroom and returned with a cold washcloth.

"Hold on, baby." She cooed as she laid the washcloth on the back of my neck. "Just breathe." She said as she rubbed her hand up and down my back. "It'll pass, just breathe." I nodded as I kept taking deep breaths in and out.

I wrapped my arms around her waist as I continued to cry into her stomach. I felt her fingers brush through my hair.

"Thank you." I managed to spit out between my cries.

"What's going on?" She asked as she placed both of her hands on both sides of my face, "I just want to understand." She admitted. She used the pads of her thumbs to wipe the tears from under my eyes.

"I can't protect you." I spit out before more tears started rolling down my cheeks, "I don't deserve you if I can't take care of you." She shook her head, "I have no right to be with you if I can't protect you when something happens. It's selfish to make you stay here with me."

"You're not making me stay anywhere." She said, "I stay with you because I want to. I don't want to be anywhere else but here, Harry. I need you to understand that." I could see the tears forming in her eyes, "It was scary being surrounded by all of them, yes, but the second you wrapped your arms around me I felt safe. I feel protected whenever I'm with you." She smiled at me while she continued to wipe the tears from my eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, baby."

"I need you." I cried as I buried my head into her stomach.

I have never been this vulnerable to someone. Of course, I have cried in front of people but I've never been completely vulnerable to someone. I never needed anyone until I met her. I let her knock down the walls I had been building up for years, and I was ready to do whatever it takes for her.