Peaches

Thirteen

I jumped back, startled by the bark in his voice. "Okay!" My hands held up in defense as I stepped away from him, leaving him to ruminate in his hatred.

There was no getting through to him now, I could say anything but it would be a meaningless waste of breath. Retreating off to the bathroom, I tuned him out as he stomped around the house, cursing loudly as he kicked his broken guitar.

If only there was something I could do to make it better.

—

Three makeup wipes later, and I had removed my mask that hid my true face. Peaches was gone, and it was just me, Briel. Face to face with myself in the mirror, flaws and all. My skin was nowhere near as perfect as my makeup made me look. Underneath it all, there was light freckling spanning over my nose and cheeks, small splotches of red discolored pigment, and dark bags under my eyes to top it all off. But it was me, down to the small scar above my left eyebrow where I fell from my father's shoulders the day he ran me around the house, tripping over the patterned blue rug in our living room. I was imperfect and simple under my makeup.

This world I lived in heavily relied on beauty and confidence. Having the strength and will to be able to handle wearing the mask. I could wear it, but it was getting heavy. Was beauty only relevant with the illusion of a perfectly painted mask made of fake eyelashes and concealer?

I didn't feel beautiful on the outside and especially not on the inside. Getting in between Chris and Zach like this was a disastrous position to be in. Like Zach had said, they were like brothers. Maybe I was just some garbage whore, twisting people's hearts and emotions just like Chris said. If only I could just explain myself to him.

How could I do such a thing to someone I claim to love?

I am garbage.

After a scalding hot shower, I snuck to my room eager to turn on my new TV and try out the pandora application. My life didn't allow a lot of time for certain luxuries such as this, but it sure was nice to have. The nicest electronic I had next to this TV was my cell phone and I hardly used that.

Searching through radio stations and lists upon lists of songs and artists, I discovered one station that caught my eye.

Metallica

A gentle rock ballad played softly from the small TV speakers, sending my mind and body into a relaxed state. I needed this, a song so lovely you could almost escape in it. A song I had never heard before but felt like I knew it dearly. Composed by a band called Led Zeppelin, yet another band I wasn't familiar with. Laying tucked under my covers I closed my eyes as the music lulled me to sleep.

Down by the seaside.

I'd love to live on the seaside, to become a creature of the ocean and sun. A glorious day when my restraints are lifted and I could smile more, laughing genuine and proud. My shoulders would be held high, basking in the warmth of my perfect life. Maybe I would feel beautiful, glowing as I kiss my lips against his. Maybe we would be in love.

Or maybe it is just a dream.

—

My blankets are ripped off of me, and I hear a voice saying my name through the quiet of my room. I can't seem to open my eyes, too enveloped in a peaceful sleep. I didn't want to open my eyes, the dream I was having was too wonderful to just leave.

What time is it?

"You ain't even wearin' underwear." That same voice groaned out, so familiar and so close. Fingertips touched to my ankles, playing up my inner leg.