A Sword and A Shield [The Hobbit X OC]

6 - Roast Mutton

At one point, William pulled out his handkerchief again, where I spotted a long knife fastened to his thin belt. I crept around the outskirts of the trolls' camp. Close enough to Bilbo, I hooted like an owl to get his attention. He looked at me, where I pointed at the blade. Unable to untie the ropes restraining the ponies, Bilbo went for the bladed weapon.

" 'ow come 'e's the cook?" Tom asked. "Everything tastes the same, like chicken."

"Except the chicken," William laughed.

"That tastes like fish!"

"I'm just saying a little appreciation would be nice. 'Thank you very much, Bert,' 'Lovely stew, Bert'. 'ow 'ard is that?" Bert said. I watched Bilbo slowly sneak past the horses, trying his best to keep them from whinnying, especially his own pony, Myrtle. "Hmm, it just needs a sprinkle of squirrel dung. Ah, there." William picked up a mug of drink, but Bert got mad at him. "That's my grog!"

"Sorry." William placed the mug back down.

Bert hit the troll with his ladle again, knocking him down. He then scooped up some stew in his ladle and slurped it up. "Ooh, that is beautifully balanced, that is." He let William taste the soup, who gulped it down. "Wrap your 'ead around that, mate. Eh? Good, innit? 'eh, 'eh, 'eh. That's why I'm the cook."

Bilbo got behind William and tried to reach for the knife, but the troll stood up to scratch his bottom. I looked away, trying not to laugh at Bilbo's face.

"Me guts are grumbling, I've got to snaffle something. Flesh I need, flesh!" Tom stood up angrily and stepped over to the ponies.

I almost shrieked when William, who was about to sneeze, reached for his handkerchief and accidently grabbed Bilbo instead, blowing his nose on him without looking. He quickly realized he wasn't holding any ordinary booger.

My nose wrinkled at the sight of our burglar covered in slime, wriggling in the troll's grip.

"Blimey! Bert! Bert!" William yelled. "Look what's come out of me 'ooter! It's got arms and legs and everything!"

The other trolls gathered around to get a closer look. "What is it?" Tom asked.

"I don't know, but I don't like the way it wiggles around!" He shook Bilbo onto the ground.

Bilbo quickly stood up as the three trolls surrounded him, with Tom pointing a sharpened tree trunk at him. "What are you then? An oversized squibble?"

"I'm a bur—a hobbit!" Bilbo replied, shaking all over, and wondering how to make owl noises.

"A burra'obbit?" William repeated.

"Can we cook 'im?" Tom said.

"We can try." William swiped at Bilbo, but he dodged, only to be cornered by Bert.

My hand itched to grab my sword.

" 'e wouldn't be more than a mouthful, not when 'e's skinned and boned!" Bert yelled.

"Perhaps there's more burra'obbits in these parts. Might be enough for a pie," Tom suggested.

"Grab 'im!" The trolls all lunged for Bilbo, and missed.

My feet ached to move and rescue the hobbit.

"It's too quick!" William screamed. Bert hit William with his ladle while trying to hit Bilbo.

Eventually, Bilbo got caught by the legs. Now, he was hoisted into the air, dangling upside down between the three trolls. "Gotcha! Are there any more of you little fellas 'iding where you shouldn't?" Tom asked.