Starstruck (the Idea of Always)

Dinsdag 18:21

"Lu..."

Jens
Jens let Lucas take control. Let Lucas slide both their pants off, let Lucas climb on top of him. He watched as Lucas reached behind himself, watched as his jaw dropped, as his eyes closed, as his chest raised with every gasp for breath he took.

This was different than the other times.

The other times, what needed to be said was said.

This time, there was nothing to be said. But at the same time, it felt like there was. Jens had said everything he needed to say to Lucas, but the way Lucas looked down at him, his bottom lip between his teeth, his eyes flicking back and forth between Jens's, looked like there was something he had to say, but couldn't. Jens slid his hands up Lucas's legs, gripping him tightly. He watched, helpless as Lucas's eyes welled in tears, words stuck in his throat.

"Baby..."

Jens didn't know what to say. What to do. All he could do was go with it as Lucas took charge, as Lucas said everything he couldn't with his body instead of his words. But even as he and Lucas moaned and gasped, as they gritted their teeth and clutched at each other, every sound out of Lucas's mouth sounded like the start of a word, like the beginning of something.

Just say it, Jens pleaded with him silently, searching in his eyes. Whatever it is. I can see it in you, just please. Please.

Lucas
Lucas wanted more than anything to say it.

The words he'd whispered when Jens wasn't listening, couldn't hear him, when he was sleeping across from him. The words he'd said in his head while kissing him, while holding his hand, while he had his face hidden in his neck. The words he'd wanted to say since that night Lucas apologized to him. The words he kind of said in the voice message, but didn't really, because he couldn't. Because every fucking time he tried to, the words got stuck in his throat like some invisible string was tied to them, not letting them get past his lips.

Lucas slid his hands across Jens's skin as he moved on top of him. With his hand on Jens's throat, he felt as Jens groaned lowly, and he felt as Jens's stomach tightened as he pushed up into Lucas. Lucas let out a high, short moan, that sounded awfully like "I-".

Lucas looked into Jens's eyes, felt Jens's eyes search him, and felt tears stream down his face. Jens reached up and gently wiped his face.

"My boy..."

Lucas shut his eyes and turned his face against Jens's hand, and let out another high pitched noise as Jens sat up, sliding his other hand around to the small of Lucas's back. Jens kissed him, their bodies slowing to a stop as their tongues pressed together, and their breaths mixed and their teeth clashed.

"I love you."

The words lept from his mouth like the string had been snipped.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I-"

And Lucas couldn't stop, as Jens stared at him in wonder, as Jens touched his face gently like he was going to break.

"I love you, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't, I- I could-couldn't." His voice cracked and broke, falling apart, and he knew he was crying, knew he was sobbing, knew he looked awful, but he couldn't look away.

"I love you too," Jens whispered as he pushed his hair out of his face, pressed the tips of his fingers against his skin, wiping it clear of tears. "I love you so much." He pulled Lucas in again, pressing a short kiss to his mouth before pressing kisses across his cheeks and forehead, his lips salty.

"I love you, I- Jens." Lucas rolled his hips as Jens did the same, and moaned loudly. His knees tightened around Jens's hips as his fingers tightened in his hair, and he felt Jens's hands press against the small of his back, pulling him closer. Lucas wrapped his arms around Jens, scratching his back with his blunt nails without meaning to, and Jens let out a noise somewhere between a pant and a moan.

Lucas pulled him closer like he wanted to open Jens's skin and crawl inside.

Like he wanted to tangle their veins and press their hearts together until they were one.

And suddenly, with the sounds Jens made around him, with the feeling of Jens,

whatever had been holding him back,
whatever door had been slammed in his face,
whatever lock had been in his face,

broke.

And suddenly,
Lucas van der Heijden was a bird set free.

You've got me.
Right where I need to be.
Hold on forever.
Don't ever let go.

Jens

I've got you.
Right where I need you.
I'll hold on forever.
I won't ever let go.