pain & misery

blazer & bouquet

pov: Patrick Jane
With Van Pelt on my side, I entered the hospital. After talking to the receptionist and walking upstairs, we finally stood in front of room 257.
The picture of Lisbon crying in my arms came back into my mind, and just thinking about that I got goosebumps.
As we entered the room, I saw Lisbon sitting beside the bed. She looked extremely tired and exhausted. "Hey", Lisbon greeted us with a weak smile, "Thank you for coming!" Grace and I also took place by the bed, I beside Lisbon and Van Pelt on the other side of the bed.
Tommy looked awful. He was as pale as the wall behind him and the sheets which covered his body.
In routine, I started studying the room. A fresh bouquet stood on the little table in a transparent vase. Lisbon's bag and blazer hung over her chair, but other than that, the room was pretty empty. White, and cold, and oppressive, and quiet. Only the machines to keep Lisbon's brother alive interrupted the silent air.
It was the first time I saw one of Lisbon's family members and it was definitely not how I had imagined it.
My look then fell on Lisbon. She looked so tired and broken, I could see she had cried lately. She had changed already a few weeks ago, but after her breakdown, she was completely different. She avoided eye contact, couldn't control her emotions - even though she usually never showed her feelings - and even cried in my arms. She was in so much pain and it hurt me to see her like that. I didn't even know if still working was the right choice for her, even if it was just for a few hours a week.
Lisbon was so extremely selfless that she didn't realize she just needed to rest, take a break, and relax. I knew she had always felt guilty over her and her brothers' relationship, she thought it was her fault and she thought the same about the accident. But she really couldn't have done anything about it, it was just a very sad coincidence. I even was a little angry because it had hit Lisbon, who already had experienced so much pain in her life and not someone who may even deserve it.

-

pov: Teresa Lisbon
I was happy that Jane and Van Pelt had visited Tommy. It really meant much to me, even though I was also happy to be alone again. As I got more tired I continued to watch Tommy. His chest lifted and lowered itself slowly, even though it wasn't Tommy himself breathing, but instead a machine.

A knock on the door made me realize that I had fallen asleep. Hastily, I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to seem more awake than I actually was. The knock came from Jimmy, followed by Annie and Stan. I greeted them happily, regarding the circumstances. Disappointing but not surprising, Stan excused himself after a few minutes again and left the hospital. Sighing I took place in the chair. Annie looked even worse than me, no wonder, she was a teenager who already needed to see her father like that. I knew she was a strong and tough girl - she kind of reminded me of myself when I was younger - but I also knew that she couldn't be that strong forever and that she nevertheless was in much pain.

After a while where also nurses had checked on Tommy, a knock at the door interrupted the again developed silence. Surprisingly, it was Jane again. "Hello, sorry for interrupting, I forgot my phone", he informed us, approaching the little table beside Tommy's bed. I didn't even notice Jane's phone on there, I had been so sunken in my thoughts and Tommy's condition. Jane grabbed his phone and held it in the air with a slight smile. "Got it! Have a nice day!", he said, as he started to walk to the door again.
"Oh, I just got remembered! I wanted to thank you for the flowers, Reese!", Jimmy said. "Flowers?", I asked, not understanding. "The flowers on the side table. It's a nice gesture, Tommy would love it, I am sure", my brother explained smiling. My look fell on the bouquet beside me. "But- These aren't my flowers" "What?" "I said these aren't my flowers. I didn't bring them - I thought you did!", I explained, confused about what was going on. "But we didn't!", Annie said, giving me an also confused look. "Stan neither", Jimmy added, his smile faded. "Maybe it was a nurse?", I suggested, actually not caring much about a bouquet.
Suddenly, Jane, who had stopped in the doorframe, started moving. With fast, big steps he approached the side table with a shocked and worried look on his face. Jane took the bouquet and searched for the little card on it. As he found it, his face turned into an expression of pure shock. We three looked at him in complete confusion, as he slowly turned the card so that we could see it.
When I finally could detect what was on the card, my jaw dropped.
A deep red smiley was emblazoned on the little piece of paper.
I didn't even have time to process what just had happened, as an unbelievable unpleasant sound penetrated my ear. Before I even realized what had happened, doctors and nurses entered the room, making me realize the reason of the steady tone - Tommy's heart had stopped beating.

Suddenly everything went fuzzy and dizzy. Someone pushed me out of the way, as I stood up from my chair. Everything went unbearable bright and even whiter than before. I felt how my knees got weak and I couldn't fight against it. The sensory overload of sound, light, and emotions made me break. I started falling, without being able to grab anything to stop it, I was unable to move. My view flickered and the extreme brightness was swallowed by pitch-black darkness. The overlapping shrill voices, I couldn't even make out what they were saying, disappeared in the enveloping silence.