serendipity

mehendi hands

beta, ham karachi jaa rahey hai so pack your best clothes, pack your favorite shoes, pack my old jewellery, and oh, don't forget to wrap it all up with soft prayers. we will need them. we will always need them.

mehendi hands, the time to celebrate is coming soon. sabrun jameel. patience is beautiful. ask your children if they are kind because you are not kind, ask your children if they have prayed because you are always so scared, ask your children if they are excited to return home; they will always say yes.

mehendi hands, we are almost there. please wear your seatbelts, it is time to land. they say safar ki dua qubool hoti hai so rab meray bacho ko apne hifzoman mae rakhna (god keep my children safe). you count down the seconds till you are in amma's embrace, her clothes always smell like shan masala and her eyes always look oh, so tired but she is amma and amma is home in all its glory. rabir ham huma ka ma rabbayani sageera. looking at your own children and your heart feels full. prayers prayers prayers. they keep you alive.

and then suddenly there is no time to think and you've spread your arms over your children. screaming. crying. not them, not them, not them. not my children. not them. everything around you has shattered to pieces and you are holding on to so little. it is too loud. the noise is too loud. the few seconds before it all goes down and your pain, your pain. la yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha (god does not burden a soul beyond than it can bear) is all you can think of and then it's all gone.

mehendi hands, the angel of death was here, can't you tell? don't be scared, don't be sad, don't you cry, you will be remembered as a martyr. your children survived, was it your prayers. tell me about them, i want to know.
i want to pray as well.