Hour Before Dawn

Chapter 20

You came at the darkest time and brought happiness into my life. The darkest hour was my life, and you were my dawn. You brought me new light, new hope, new reasons to be thankful and to be happy.

I don't know what the future holds for us. The last couple of months have taught me that anything can happen and there is no way we can prepare for it. We can only hope for the best, so I'm hoping and praying really hard that we get through these tough times and make it out strong together.

Life is a lot like racing. You can train for it all you want, but you have no control of what's gonna happen on the track. We may not know what tomorrow may bring, but I can assure you that whatever happens, I'll always be glad that I met you and that I'll always love you. I may be in the most important race of my life right now, so know that, as always, I'm doing my best to make it because I know you're waiting for me in the finish line, like you always do.

I love you, Beanie. I love you a lot. I love you more than I can ever express. I love you. I love you. I love you.

P.S I cannot wait for you to be my husband.

With so much love,
Your Yejie

Bin closed his eyes as tears continued to fall from them. He lost count of the number of times he read her note since coming across it by chance the night before, but his tears never fail to fall each time. He reached for her hand, watching her so intently and praying so desperately for his Yejie to wake up.

"Not fair, Yejie," he whispered while holding her hand in both of his palms. "Wake up and tell me all of those again."

"Please, Yejie," Bin pleaded quietly. "Please, wake up. I miss you. I miss you so much. Please, wake up, babe."

His eyes were bloodshot red and he couldn't help the tears that fell from them. There was not a day that he didn't plead for her to wake up. The pain just gets worse when each of his pleas are answered with silence and lack of response from her, but he does it all over again anyway. He needed her to know that he was waiting for her, that he needed her to wake up, and it was worth each heartbreak from her unresponsiveness.

"We still have an engagement party to attend, Yejie," he continued to talk to her softly. "We still have a wedding to plan. We still have to talk about the names for our babies. We still have to talk about how we're going to raise our kids. We still have a family to raise and take care of. We still have so many places to go to. We still have so much to do. I still have so much I want to do with you."

Bin lowered his head and wiped his tears before looking up at her again, both of his hands still holding on to her.

"You still want to do all of those with me, right, Yej?" He asked softly, his voice shaking. "You still want to marry me, right? Have kids with me? Travel with me? You still want those too, right, Yejie?"

He closed his eyes again as he brought her hand to his mouth, his lips and jaw shaking as he let his quiet cries out.

"I'm still going to make you my wife, so please, wake up. I need you to wake up and come back to me, Yej. I need you to wake up. I need you, Yejie. I need my sunshine."

Bin swallowed lump after lump in his throat, his tesrs never ceasing. He sat by her side, holding her hand and keeping his promise of not letting her go.

"I'm doing my part, Yejie. I'm not letting you go," he said as his thumb began caressing her hand. "I know that you're doing your part in holding on, but I need you to do more. I need you to let me pull you in. I need you to come to me and wake up, Yej. Please, please come to me and wake up."

He sat there without letting her hand go. He waited and waited for a response from her, just like he always did, but there was still nothing. All he could hear was the ventilator breathing for her, the monitors showing her heart rhythm, the IV pumps delivering fluids and medications. He looked out the window and his eyes were met by darkness, as expected at that time of the night.

His heart felt so heavy, he was hurting so bad, and it showed in his eyes, in the way his tears fell nonstop, in the way his voice shook as he spoke to her, in the way he held her hand, and in the way he looked at her.

But, in spite of all the pain he was dealing with, his love for her always rose above everything else. He had so much love for Ye-jin that it came out in every word he said, every action he did, every look he gave her.

It took all of the strength he had to sing his song for her without breaking down, but Bin still tried. His voice was a whisper, shaking as it threatened to crack while his tears fell continuously.

"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away."

As he sang the last line, Bin could no longer stop himself from breaking down. He had to pause since he could hardly breathe from trying to stiffle his cries. It took all of the physical and mental strength he had just to finish his song for her.

"I'll always love you and make you happy
And nothing else could come between
But if you leave me to be with your mom
You'll have shattered all of my dreams.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away."

He could hardly get the words out of him even in whisper, but he managed to finish the song. Each word that he sang carried so much weight. It was a combination of pain, of plead, of hope, and most of all, of love.

Bin held her hand tightly as he lowered his head on the bed, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed quietly. Unbeknownst to him, through her closed eyes, tears were also trailing down Ye-jin's temple.

He unknowingly cried himself to sleep and at the break of dawn, he was woken up by a gentle tap on his shoulder. He didn't realize he had fallen asleep throughout the night on the chair beside Ye-jin's bed so he stood up to give the team some room. He was out of it, so it took him a minute before he came to his senses. He noticed that multiple members of the health care team were surrounding the bed. His heart started racing in his chest, confused about what was happening.

One of the nurses moved out of the way, unblocking his view, and it was only then when he realized that the sun was up. After more than two weeks of such dark and gloomy days, his sunshine finally came through.