A Christmas Miracle (Excerpt Only) - BWWM Interracial Romance

A Christmas Miracle (Chapter 6)

CHAPTER SIX

Filled with anticipation for their next get-together, Brenda was at a loss what to do. Part of her wanted to invite Alex in again, and the other part told her she would be an irresponsible fool to do so. As much as she wanted to think things could remain relatively innocent, the way she felt so open to him last night was a clear enough sign that she was not as much in control of her body as she thought. Her body wanted him, and she wasn't sure she could make her brain win out if in his presence in a circumstance like that again.
I guess steak dinner it is, she decided.
A dinner outing offered some safety—Alex would pick her up, they'd eat, and he would drop her home.
It didn't really allow for much drifting into the sexual arena, didn't make it easy to fall into each other's arms. It was public, and eating a big dinner would help both of them feel full.
She had read something about how being full sometimes had the same effect of the post-coitus feel—being satiated; therefore, sex was better on an empty stomach, since one was more ravenous when hungry. Something like that.
Again, she found herself struggling with what to wear. It was a dinner date, but once more, she didn't want to look too sexy—especially after last night. She didn't want Alex to think for one second she was taunting him or inviting him to seduce her or anything of the sort—she didn't want him to feel like she was asking for it.
She found something modest, yet flattering, then prepared for his arrival at her door.
Just in case, she decided to wait for him outside of her apartment, locking the door behind her—she didn't want to tempt fate anymore than she had. She had thought it all out: what if, when she opened her door to Alex, he took a step forward, forcing her back into her apartment, then began a seduction of her she couldn't refuse? He could just be lulling her into a false sense of security while picking out her soft spots and weaknesses in order to better go in for the kill.
Your imagination is going into overdrive! Didn't you see how much of a gentleman he was last night? Chill out.
Alex didn't say anything when he met her outside waiting—he only gave her door a curious look, one eyebrow raised. His face looked simultaneously confused and amused, but he remained mum about his thoughts.
*
"I almost feel bad—like I'm using you," Brenda said after ordering a second drink—this one nonalcoholic.
She had regretted having the first alcoholic drink after she'd downed it, paranoia hitting her again. She was still with a virtual stranger after all, and this stranger was still responsible for taking her home, and that meant she was still in danger of the scenario she had imagined earlier—with her senses dulled and her inhibitions loosened, she really wouldn't have a chance if Alex decided to take advantage of her.
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, none of us are pursuing a real relationship here, and yet here you are, paying for my food again. I feel guilty about every order."
"I already told you..."
"I know, but still. Especially since the first thing I asked of you was to be my fake date for my sister's Christmas dinner. Without even offering you anything in return! People do things as friendly favors or they offer money or something for their time..."
"Which is how we ended up here, right? My fee was that you spend some weekends with me."
"At your expense."
"To my delight. Listen, why don't you think hanging out with you is really all I need? You really think I'm getting nothing out of this? I will gladly throw down whatever costs for time with you. I was the one who tracked you down, remember? Come on, Brenda, stop thinking about all these insignificant logistics. You're getting what you want, I'm getting what I want; we're in an equal deal here."
But were they? Especially when he clearly had better control of his emotions than she did? This guy, whose last real relationship ended four years ago, thought he was on equal footing with someone whose last serious relationship of six years ended just six months ago?
"Now, seriously, that's the last I want to hear of it," he continued. "Just know that I consider you worth it, regardless of who may or may not have valued you enough before. You have to believe me—I think you're beautiful..."—he ignored her huff of disagreement—"...adorable, and sweet. And I know you're hurt, but you still believe in the dream. You're optimistic without having to try so hard to be, and you care about others; I don't really see how you could be teaching otherwise. But even just bringing up that foolishness you just did lets me know you're not looking to take advantage of anybody. Believe me, I don't think you're some manipulative, self-absorbed woman looking for a free ride. I just hope you ultimately consider whatever time we have together worth it, too, no matter what happens. I'm not looking to hurt you—I want you to feel treasured. You deserve to feel treasured."
What could she possibly say to that?
"That's what I'm afraid of, though," she said quietly, and she had to look down to shield some of the emotion she felt was probably being reflected in her eyes. No need for him to see what a softie she really was. Still, she had decided being honest was the best way to go. "I agreed to something casual, but it doesn't feel that way to me, know what I mean? I'm a woman of my word and wouldn't dream of taking it back, but I can't say I haven't considered it—canceling our future dates, all of them—and just not bothering with the Christmas dinner. I feel like all of this that we're doing is going to make me too vulnerable, and considering..."
He held up a hand and she felt compelled to listen to the silent command.
"Let's see if I've got this straight," he began, his voice taking on a different quality, "both of your parents are deceased, and you're an only child—except you somewhat recently found out you have a half-sister who is responsible for the loss of your boyfriend, correct?"
She nodded, on guard and almost offended at him bringing it up, but not sure where he was going.
"And as a result, you've lost your sister in a way, so as far as you're concerned, you have no family. Correct?"
She nodded again.
"Plus, you lost the guy you had been seeing, and probably had some really serious plans for, in a one-two combo. And on top of that, it looks like you have no close friends—not at work or otherwise. Correct?"
She looked down and couldn't stop the words from coming. "That hurt, Alex."
His voice was gentler when he began again. "But is it not the truth? As far as I can tell, you've been alone for a while—pretty much in complete loneliness since your breakup, and because the person behind the breakup is a relative, you've pushed her away, despite her desire to be friends with you. Your work places have recently been temporary and not good nurturing grounds for a relationship of any kind. You hate the solitude, and hate feeling like the world's against you without even a shoulder to cry on, yet here I am offering you companionship and to be that shoulder and whatever else you need, but because you don't 'do casual,' I'm not good enough for you, either."
"You know I don't mean it like that..."
"What I'm saying is, you don't really get to pick and choose. Do you secretly crave solitude and to be alone the rest of your life or not? How are you going to get any relationship going when you're so unwilling to start? Now, I know what you're going to say: it's different with us, mainly because this whole thing is in the context of me disappearing after your Christmas dinner. But I don't want to—I want to remain in your life, even if just as your friend. Do you understand that? I'm not looking to hit and run. I'm seriously into you, and I already really care about you, Brenda. Is that so bad?"
"I don't want to get hurt again." Brenda felt mortified by the tear that found its way down her cheek, and horrified that she felt so open to him, so vulnerable to his words and longed so much for what he was saying to be true—that he wanted to be with her.
She hated to admit it, but he was absolutely right—if she could keep it together, legs included, she could look back on their brief time together fondly. And perhaps they could really grow a solid friendship out of it.
As he walked her to her door, she started to thank him and say good night, but instead of letting her open her door and slip through, he grabbed her arm and spun her toward him. Before it could really sink in how delicious it felt to be in his arms and against his chest, his mouth was on hers, causing her mind to blank.
The shock of tenderness and sweetness, along with the jolts the oral contact sent through her, set her whole body tingling. She let him kiss her, and kissed him back gratefully, enjoying the warmth and the meeting of two tongues.
She became aware of his large hands on her, and the warmth emanating from them, the heat connecting them in the small space between their chests.
And there was no denying the warmth and desire between her legs.
Just as he was pulling her closer and she started to feel another part of him come to life, he suddenly pulled back, the hand cupping the back of her head moving to her chin, and his thumb caressing her cheek. Then his hands left her body completely, leaving her feeling chilled and robbed.
"Good night," he said softly, his voice a rumble that only kept her body on edge, the rippling, masculine sound crawling through her ears and traveling up and down her spine.
She found herself staring at his delicious lips, as if she could hypnotize them into coming toward hers again.
He looked like he was about to say something else, but thought twice about it. Instead, he gave her a small smile, a smile that vanished before reaching his eyes—heavily lidded and churning with what she could only interpret as desire.
No, stay! her mind screamed as he finally turned and walked away, and all she could do was stand there and watch him go.

WEDNESDAY

Brenda knew exactly what she had to do: she could not see Alex again—not so soon, anyway. Last night had been yet another close call, so when Alex called to ask what time he should come over and pick her up, she was ready for him.
"I've got some grading I've put off for a while—lots of papers to sift through and get to my students tomorrow. I seriously need like every hour before bedtime to get this in; I don't want to go to bed any later than I have to."
He didn't hide his disappointment. "Can't say I'm not bummed, but you have to do what you have to do. Maybe tomorrow, then?"
"Maybe," she said.
"If not, then I guess I'll see you Saturday."
"Well, it won't be that long," rushed out of her mouth before she could stop it.
"Good. I'm glad." He let out a breath. "I'll miss you, Brenda."
Brenda had to restrain herself from saying she'd miss him too.
"I look forward to seeing you again, too," she said, her voice almost a whisper.
*
Alex found himself getting angry and had to ask himself why.
Because she's lying to me, he thought. He had not known her long, but the way she had stammered out her excuse as to why she wasn't seeing him today gave him the distinct impression that she wasn't telling the whole truth.
But so what if she wasn't? What if she just needed a day to herself—was that so bad?
He admitted to himself that he was being unreasonable, although he knew it was because his emotions had gotten the best of him. But why had they?
What is going on? Alex thought.
Obviously, he was attracted to her, and obviously he would love to take her to bed—he was no stranger to those sensations. But something else was tugging at him, something beyond just wanting to make love to her. And although what he felt now reminded him again of the one and only time he had almost taken a girl seriously, whatever this was running through him was beyond that somehow.
Before, logic had still been involved: the girl was beautiful and had the cutest dimples and her honey-blond hair always smelled deliciously sweet. She was devoted to him and everything just made sense; she had been exactly the type of girl one settled down with. And he had liked her. A lot. He figured he would eventually fall head over heels with her in the way people always talked about. He knew it wasn't necessarily a right-away kind of thing—people who fell in love at first sight or within a week or some other short-term were the lucky few—he knew that. He knew it was more practical to fall in love over time, that it made more sense to grow into it so that one did not make any irrational decisions in the immediate.
But months and months later, he still didn't feel anything beyond casual affection for that girl. He was definitely fond of her and enjoyed her company immensely, but in a way, his eyes stayed open. He was always looking for a major flaw or for some indication that she wasn't the one to be with. He realized it after he had broken up with her—after he still hadn't found that major flaw—that he had no real desire to be with her for the rest of his life; the idea didn't appeal to him in the least. No matter how practical a choice she was, he found her to be only a fun, temporary distraction. He didn't know why and never understood it; on paper, all boxes were checked, yet it was easy to check out of their relationship.
He felt bad about the whole thing because he had been guilty of leading her on, even though it had not been deliberate. He never had the intention of pulling her closer, and then pushing her away—it just happened that way, and he could never get her to understand it.
She felt betrayed and he couldn't blame her for declaring him a thoughtless, inconsiderate asshole.
"You played me!" she had told him, and the look of betrayal in her dark eyes cut him deeply, more deeply than anything he had ever felt for her.
"I didn't play you," he had tried to insist, but what could he say that would stop her from feeling gamed?
"You never loved me," she said, barely staving off a cry.
"I tried to..." he began, and was stopped by a hard slap on his cheek.
"You led me on! You did everything guys in love do—you held my hand, you talked about our future..." God, the way she spat "our future" cut him more... "You mentioned how I was leading you toward the golden handcuffs. You told me I was everything you were looking for in a wife!"
Alex sighed at the memory.
You can't do this again, Alex, not to Brenda. Stay away. She's better off not getting any closer to you...
His phone rang.
"I'm ready to discuss our next meeting," Brenda said, and he was amused at her refusal to call it a date.
Alex also knew right then that they were both doomed, for there was no way he was turning her down.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: End of excerpt! No more chapters will be posted. Thanks for reading! :) If you would like to read the full story, check it out at the following retailers:

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