random thoughts, poetries, etc. | English Version

#7

I am breaking inside and nobody knows it. They are think I am one of the happiest persons on earth. But it is just an illusion! They all do not know how I am feeling. How much I hate myself. The only persons I trust are living way too far away from me. ThEy ArE jUsT tOo FaR aWaY! Did you understand it? I do not have persons I trust completely in my surroundings! I had some but tehy decided to leave me. They decided for each other without me. And I seriously thought they would never leave alone. I thought our friendship was real. What the fuck have I done?!

But I have met my jagiya and because of her I also met my queen. At the beginning I did not want to trust my queen because I believed that my jagiya wanted to protect me with her more than she could do alone. I became internet best friends with my queen and I am her princess. It really was not a mostake to start trusting her. I just was too afraid. Afraid of getting hurt again. But I am more than sure that both will not leave or hurt me. It also could be that I am blind again and they will do that someday but until this day i want to enjoy my life with them. I want to make fantastic memories. And I am sure: Those will be the best and most precious memories I have ever had. If someday our friendship ends I do not know if I will trust new people again but I will not forget both. They are like my second half. I just love them! <3