Hard to Find

Chapter Thirty Three - Beginning of the End

His warm hands cup my cheek in response. Silence consumes us, and just as I think he has fallen asleep, he speaks. "I took your advice. I reached out to the adoptive parents. Dylan helped."

As if I was jump-started, my entire brain wakes up and I blink, taken aback by this news. I wasn't expecting any of this, at least this soon. "You did? How'd you get their contact information?"

"Some guys at the office. But I sent them an email asking if they'd like to meet."

I shift out of his grasp and reach for the light. "What made you change your mind suddenly?"

We both sit up facing each other. I search his face for answers, but I find little, so I wait for him to speak. He takes his time, fumbling with the sheets, and avoiding eye contact. I take his hands in mine so he stops fidgeting. His entire body relaxes.

"What other choice do I have?" His response is barely audible. "You are right, I'm not gonna get Ellie back."

"Jayden, I didn't mean—" He holds his hand up to stop me from continuing.

"No, it's true. I talked to Dylan, I talked to Addy, they agreed too. My chances of getting custody are little to none if I tried having another hearing. When I was walking, I kept thinking about this entire situation and honestly, Sky, I kept wondering how my life turned out like this. I didn't expect to be this sad all the time, I didn't expect to love someone as much as I love you, and I most certainly didn't expect to have a child."

He abruptly gets out of bed and walks toward the window, facing away from me. "I want this to stop, you know? I want to enjoy these moments, I keep wishing away, and I don't want to constantly feel like if I stumbled, I'd shatter into a million pieces."

My lip trembles. Tears are itching to spill out, but I keep myself together. He turns back around and sits on the lip of the windowsill.

"I think I've always known this was going to be the outcome. But adrenaline and excitement blindsided me, and the thought I'd be more in life than just Jayden, I'd be a dad. Now, I'd rather have a relationship with Ellie than nothing at all... even if that means I don't get custody."

My feet are moving before I even realize. I kneel in front of him and take his hands. He releases a pent up breath and joins me on the floor, resting his forehead against mine. I can't find the right words to say, instead my face inches closer and closer until my lips are on his.

I expected it to be sweet and subtle, but he surprises me, pouncing like a tiger on its prey.

He stands, I stand with him but am quickly lifted off the floor. I furl my fingers in his hair; he pulls me closer until he's crushing me against his chest, but we still can't seem to get close enough.

Our clothes come off feverishly and we slip under the covers. I smile against his mouth and I feel him smile back. I'm lucky to have him.

❈❈❈

I snuck out of bed this morning to get to work earlier than usual. Jayden still had a half-hour till he had to wake up and definitely needed it. When I kissed his cheek, he didn't stir or flinch. His lips remained pressed against his pillow, his hair disheveled, his breathing steady, and it made me smile.

I had enough time to stop and get coffee for Anaya and I. When I brought it into her office, her face illuminated and she mouthed 'thank you' because she was on a call.

But my day was nothing but ordinary. I didn't meet with any clients, instead, I did paperwork until my hand was ready to fall off. Although, I didn't mind because I knew I was going over Ravens after work for a much-needed visit.