Why R U: SaintZee Reimagined

Memory 15

San arrived at the bar early. His feeling towards the place seemed different now that everyone has given him a bad picture of his work. Everything suddenly changed.

Sarah, again, was there, but San just pushed him out of the bar at the very minute that he saw Sarah.

Even Nat noticed that something was off with San. Aunty Naifang asked him about it, but he just hushed aunty Naifang and told her that he'd talk to San.

"SabaiDee Krab P'. I'm just tired." San answered him.

"Go ahead and go home then, we can take it from here."

"No, it's just 10pm. Really, I'm okay. Don't worry about me."

San insisted, but with P'Nat's continuous nagging, San surrendered and decided to go home.

San was standing at the very front of the restaurant. He stared at the spot where the gay guy stood with his cigar the other night when San made his face spurt blood. He didn't know why people do this kind of thing. "How could people take these inhumane thoughts?"

"Oh, San. You're still here?" Aunty Naifang emerged from the doorway with a tray on her hands. She actually asked in Thai, and San was so proud that he understood it. By now, San can already talk in Thai effortlessly.

"Yes aunty. Uhm. Aunty, would it be okay if I couldn't make it here tomorrow?"

"Why? Is there something wrong? It's Friday tomorrow, there would surely be a lot of customers."

Once again, San was reminded of the gay who offered him money. He brushed the thought off by shutting his eyes hard, which Aunty Naifang noticed even from the dim light.

"Are you okay San?"

"Khrap." San answered gloomily, but his head waved. San pushed his eyebrows hard.

"Okay. Okay. Just be sure to be here by Saturday okay?"

"Khobkhun aunty." San smiled then trudged off.

The same set of towering houses welcomed San on his way to his apartment, but the feeling was rather different. He still doesn't understand why everyone's way of thinking doesn't complement each other. He doesn't know why those minds kept on opposing the other.

San has been contented for the solitude that his rented apartment has given him for the past two months, but this same lone feeling reminded him of the other kind of joy when you badly needed someone to confide your problems with.

As he shut his eyes on his bed, a number of thoughts still lingered towards the deepest part of his brain. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to shut his mind off completely, but everything that happened this day has kept him tired yet awake.

Until the clock ticked to three in the morning, he still didn't make up his mind; but surrendering to those thoughts, San decided and decided on his only solution: disregard everyone's thoughts. Don't let anyone bother you. Don't mind anyone's judging eyes. Do not worry about what everyone thinks of you.

San knew that this wasn't enough. It didn't even make his mind calm. Neither did it put him to sleep right away, but it was enough to take him to a slumber that his being longed the whole day...

San woke up late the following day. He wasn't able to attend his first class in the morning, but he still kept his oath to not ride a bus on the way to the University.

He fuddled between his fingers a set of coins enough for the bus fare way back from Four's house which where he'll be taking the bus.

Then, while preparing his lunch, he remembered his deal with Zen.

A naughty and smart idea crept in his mind.